Colgay (Chaos meevin)

I survived the meevins community and all I got was this lousy alt for @ColgateUnReal !

[Colgay (Chaos meevin) @meevin0101001]

This is officially my alt

Main: @ColgateUnReal

[Colgay (Chaos meevin) @meevin0101001]

from experiences ive heard from other trans people it doesn't sound like them either, i never felt like i was "more comfortable" around girls and i like having my dick.

idk weird post from me ig don't worry too much chat its probably nothing :) happy pride🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

[Colgay (Chaos meevin) @meevin0101001]

i think i might be the trans. i have always kinda had the thought of "what if i was a girl?" or thinking about how i would look in more feminine clothes. ik surrounded by people i know would support me but i just don't know if in ready to take that leap.

[Colgay (Chaos meevin) @meevin0101001]

in just not sure i want to make that change in my life. its kinda scary, like i see trans people being unfairly bullied online and i don't want that to happen to me. or what if im not trans and its a temporary hormone imbalance and i come and can't take it back.

[Colgay (Chaos meevin) @meevin0101001]

one of my friends might have killed themselves last night. no one can get in contact with them and we are afraid to go to his parents house to check up on him.

[Colgay (Chaos meevin) @meevin0101001]

best way to sum it up is if i were to suddenly die i feel like i wouldn't be all that fazed just kinda " it is what it is, oh well"

[Colgay (Chaos meevin) @meevin0101001]

i don't want to live anymore but i'm not suicidal. I know how much i mean to everyone around me and i don't want to kill myself. im just kinda tired of the monotony of life knowing i don't really have any kind of real direction

not a cry for help, never gonna kms just venting :)

[Colgay (Chaos meevin) @meevin0101001]

i really gotta start using my notes app and not twitter for venting dawg this is not y'all's problem

[Colgay (Chaos meevin) @meevin0101001]

i loved them and took it seriously probably way too much for a first relationship but i couldn't help it. in my head i still rationalize it as "it is what it is"

[Colgay (Chaos meevin) @meevin0101001]

idk, tldr is it hurts to see someone i loved be attracted to someone else and im hypocritical

[Colgay (Chaos meevin) @meevin0101001]

found out from a mutual friend that my ex asked out a guy to go to my school's semi formal dance with them. ik we aren't together anymore but like, it hurts yk?

[Colgay (Chaos meevin) @meevin0101001]

that gets more than he deserves but one of my biggest problems in my life was connection and communication, which ended my relationship but i feels like less of a burden and i feel i have a responsibility to myself to make sure i live happy, goodbye for now <3

[Colgay (Chaos meevin) @meevin0101001]

i have made a lot of negative posts on this account, so heres an update, im getting better, since my grandfather's death i have been slowly recovering, his death konda grounded alot of the issues i have with myself and the people around me. i still think im a piece of shit 1/2

[Colgay (Chaos meevin) @meevin0101001]

hes dead

[Colgay (Chaos meevin) @meevin0101001]

my grandfather in going to die. i have know this for a year now. his kidneys are failing and he doesn't even have the strength to open his eyes anymore. i want to go see him so badly but im scared. im scared that my last memory of him will be him lying near lifeless.

[Colgay (Chaos meevin) @meevin0101001]

@tescoukgaming thanks for the kind words it really means alot to me

[Colgay (Chaos meevin) @meevin0101001]

my grandfather in going to die. i have know this for a year now. his kidneys are failing and he doesn't even have the strength to open his eyes anymore. i want to go see him so badly but im scared. im scared that my last memory of him will be him lying near lifeless.

[Colgay (Chaos meevin) @meevin0101001]

he is the last direct tie i have to my heritage, the only living relative from Germany and when he dies it feels like i won't have that anymore. i love him. god am i pathetic

[Colgay (Chaos meevin) @meevin0101001]

i haven't seen him since Christmas. he has only asked 1 thing of me for 2 years, get a hair cut. i never did, it feels like i somehow let him down, and all because a girl who would end up breaking up with me liked it that way. im truely a spineless selfish coward.