bea ☆ is trying to survive

┌──
ana to forced recov ortho
i love talking about myself
forced weight gain
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[bea ☆ is trying to survive @megatrogg]

pov: your pro-ana skinny bf 🎀
*ੈ✩‧₊˚
a 🧵 for edtwt
- with commentary

[bea ☆ is trying to survive @megatrogg]

my teacher told me I looked 12 today. idk if is it bc the anorexia stopped my puberty or if it’s just how I look but I DONT WANT TO LOOK TWELVE WHAT

[bea ☆ is trying to survive @megatrogg]

today has been a good week for me food relationship wise. even tho yesterday was rough and i lost weight whenver i am forced to eat things i don’t want i don’t rlly feel guilty about it. even if it’s not “good for u”

[bea ☆ is trying to survive @megatrogg]

me when the doctor asks if i am pregnant but i literally haven’t had my period in 300 days

[bea ☆ is trying to survive @megatrogg]

they keep talking about how sick seeing that number makes them feel

[bea ☆ is trying to survive @megatrogg]

i went to urgent care today bc i am sick (for the first time like in 2 years this sucks) AND I DIDNT KNOW THEY WERE GOING TO WEIHH ME. so i didn’t bring any weights or anything. empty stomach. basically my parents know my real weight now & they r not handling it well

[bea ☆ is trying to survive @megatrogg]

being stuck between wanting to be normal and not wanting to let go of ur ed is such torture

[bea ☆ is trying to survive @megatrogg]

i have not been on twitter much and i think it is good for me. i need to get better even if it’s forced, either way i need to gain weight to get my life back and i think i’m getting better at accepting that and being able to be logical without it

[bea ☆ is trying to survive @megatrogg]

i’m starting to have the eating nightmares agaiN…. last night i dreamt i broke my fast with subway

[bea ☆ is trying to survive @megatrogg]

bye my dad found my ankle weights🥲

[bea ☆ is trying to survive @megatrogg]

@beauty4rage HOW 💔

[bea ☆ is trying to survive @megatrogg]

i am going to fucking kms im not even joking. THIS IS THE PHONE IM GOING TO HAVE TO USE UNTIL I GAIN 15 POUNDNS

[bea ☆ is trying to survive @megatrogg]

@skinny_energy yeah i have to gain weight AND use this phone i don’t get the option. if i don’t gain weight i’m getting put ip 🥲

[bea ☆ is trying to survive @megatrogg]

but also I’m terrified I’ve never depended on medication before

[bea ☆ is trying to survive @megatrogg]

Im going to try and go to a physiatrist soon and get meds. I’m go happy bc my dad was so against that idea in the first place but I think it’ll help a lot. I don’t want to feel like this all the time I want to get better and look better to others

[bea ☆ is trying to survive @megatrogg]

trying to put my ed on pause bc if i’m going to be forced to gain weight i should at least make it easier for myself mentally BUT ITS NOT AS EASY AS IT SEEMS

[bea ☆ is trying to survive @megatrogg]

@Sams_Lore ughh ik i keep telling myself in 2 years i can eat how i want to again but it seems so far. i’m so sorry ur mom is threatening that, it’s hard to understand they just want what’s best for us when parents r holding things above our heads ☹️

[bea ☆ is trying to survive @megatrogg]

my dad said he was going to hold me back my junior year if i don’t gain weight this week. i hate him so much i want him out of my life forever. school has been the only thing i’m good at my whole life and i need to do good so i can get into a good college and out of this house

[bea ☆ is trying to survive @megatrogg]

this is so hard i need motivation but i don’t understand how trying to hold me back and hospitalise me isn’t enough for my brain to accept weight gain

[earth rabbit @mirubunnie]

worst ed side effect is everyone in your life suddenly becoming nosy as hell

[bea ☆ is trying to survive @megatrogg]

maybe it’s just the side of edtwt i’m on but i feel like a lot of ppl r trying semi recovery/harm reduction and even tho it seems small it still makes me happy. no one deserves to deal with this illness and i hope they can heal one day