Megan Theodore

please buy my book i owe sallie mae lots of money

[Megan Theodore @megtheodore]

i will watch the rest of the superbowl only if rihanna floats over them and watches

[Megan Theodore @megtheodore]

i’m always very certain i’m doing better mentally and then i realize i’m in fetal position rewatching heartstopper again

[Megan Theodore @megtheodore]

friends: get engaged. plan wedding. get married. buy house. have kids. excel at work.

me: cold. ashamed. lying naked on the floor. illusion never changed. into something real. wide awake and i can see the perf-

[Megan Theodore @megtheodore]

@echosofswift screaming, crying, throwing up--

[Megan Theodore @megtheodore]

@noahbutrad frankie's sugar daddy...moving on up

[Megan Theodore @megtheodore]

@noahbutrad i will break your noahs

[Megan Theodore @megtheodore]

@noahbutrad byob

[Megan Theodore @megtheodore]

@noahbutrad lies, you have two blankets

[i can be your long lost pal @PallaviGunalan]

i may have gotten dumber but that's only a coping mechanism for learning more about the world

[Megan Theodore @megtheodore]

my brother had the gall to ask me how i was allowed to walk around as an unsupervised adult all the time and just get away with it. frankly he was correct, i will now be looking into hiring a hot nanny. for myself

[Megan Theodore @megtheodore]

it’s 2022, the world is on fire and melting and everything we consume is poisoned and everyone has trust issues but at least we’re alive at the same time as zendaya and tom holland happy new year queens

[Megan Theodore @megtheodore]

@hattiewanning let’s see it bish

[Megan Theodore @megtheodore]

if you’re reading this, you have to chug a glass of water. send a pic for proof.

[Megan Theodore @megtheodore]

i have impasta syndrome, which means i believe i am a noodle, not a human

[Megan Theodore @megtheodore]

@noahbutrad u are not worthy of her fajitas

[Megan Theodore @megtheodore]

@noahbutrad take it back

[Megan Theodore @megtheodore]

wouldn’t it be funny if someone ironically paid my student loans off…like as a bit, but like actually did it haha that’d be crazy

[Megan Theodore @megtheodore]

umm a boy brought me chocolate completely unprompted??? here’s how that went:

[ellie schnitt @holy_schnitt]

idk how to explain this but I need someone who is sort of mean to me but not too mean bc i’m soft but don’t ever treat me like i’m soft but also always keep in mind that I am. you know

[Megan Theodore @megtheodore]

people are always forgetting about the 6th love language: hyping me up on instagram