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I do what I want.

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Honestly, I will probably be the first human being that a Tesla Optimus falls in love with.

@Tesla_Optimus hmu

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Me, talking about cheese: It needs more cheese.

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Is dopamine theft punishable by law?

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After watching Alien: Romulus, I can confidently say that xenomorphs are the only true woman’s ally.

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The hashtag #PassTheTorchJoe is essentially treason.

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I just want cherries… please.

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So, are cherries just not happening this year, or what?

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If my boyfriend got paid 5¢ for every word he spoke, he would be a billionaire in 42 days.

@McInLiterature

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You don’t have a blue check, you poor bitch.

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Adversititty

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I just woke up the neighbors dog with my sneezes.

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Pro tip: Force your boyfriend to watch you try to cut a thick cabbage leaf with a spoon for half an hour while you have a pleasant conversation with his mom about essential oils.

It’ll drive him crazy (;

@McInLiterature

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Shoulder pads were the best thing to happen to clothes, and look how we repaid them.

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I want to believe in pasta.

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@GasX my boyfriend has taken the max dose. It is 3am and I can’t sleep because I am being assaulted by his body’s ungodly rotting gas. The farts are so violent that Instagram’s algorithm is suggesting farting reels. I demand rectification from Gas-X for my pain and suffering.

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Merry Crisis

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I love garbanzo skin.

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I write text messages that are better poetry than the work of these new poets.

#poetrycommunity

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Bald arms weird me out

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I’m good at re-repressing resurfacing repressed memories.