Melissa Burns

laugh at yourself before anyone else can (:

[Melissa Burns @melburnsss]

@toneill92 boring. happy belated

[Melissa Burns @melburnsss]

@toneill92 this was worth returning to twitter for

[Melissa Burns @melburnsss]

@jakeloganhobey hair color that you don’t approve of

[Melissa Burns @melburnsss]

@jakeloganhobey “literally though”

[Melissa Burns @melburnsss]

@jakeloganhobey i think your beard is haut

[jake @flakeyjakey0]

Managing people sucks bc now I have to pretend to look busy WHILE making sure three other people are ACTUALLY busy

[Melissa Burns @melburnsss]

@jakeloganhobey in/on arguement is one of my top 5 favs (in line/on line)

[Melissa Burns @melburnsss]

@jakeloganhobey UPDATE: @jakeloganhobey is a LIAR

[Melissa Burns @melburnsss]

@jakeloganhobey had to google. not surprised. thanks for the 411.

[Melissa Burns @melburnsss]

@jakeloganhobey this weeks favorite was the PR one

[Melissa Burns @melburnsss]

@jakeloganhobey yes but raincoats have been out of style since that man and the fish sticks and also since i still know what you did last summer

[Melissa Burns @melburnsss]

@Jomboy_ @Yankees i'm very impressed and very excited for you & your thousands of fans👌🏼 don't forget about the twitter friends you never met okay?

[Melissa Burns @melburnsss]

@Jomboy_ @Yankees when did you get famous??????? this is so exciting

[Melissa Burns @melburnsss]

@jakeloganhobey yet your name is only one letter away from being a Joke

[Melissa Burns @melburnsss]

@Jomboy_ i just honestly wish i had this much enthusiasm and energy on anything in life. and also that tongue move. wish i had that.

[Melissa Burns @melburnsss]

@optimum just called to purchase new service & the rep just hung up on me after he said "i don't think you understand, you're wrong" #RUDE

[Melissa Burns @melburnsss]

idc who you are, bodycond#s represent strippers

[Melissa Burns @melburnsss]

tbqh automatic toilets are quite scary and not exactly my thing

[Melissa Burns @melburnsss]

@jakeloganhobey plz unblock the plate tbh