ツ Melo ツ

I'm Loud, Obnoxious and Completely Inappropriate for All Ages... Viewer Discretion is Strongly Advised...

[ツ Melo ツ @melicious85]

The only thing yoga has taught me is to control my farts when I'm on a date.

[ツ Melo ツ @melicious85]

I just witnessed a murder suicide... I mean wedding

[ツ Melo ツ @melicious85]

@MontellRoss how'd you get here?! O.o lol

[ツ Melo ツ @melicious85]

Hahaha I love my friends.

[ツ Melo ツ @melicious85]

N
O
O
o
o
°
°
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[ツ Melo ツ @melicious85]

I used to go out with an English teacher, but he dumped me. He didn't agree with my improper use of the colon.

[DΛVID @_davidlucas_]

Crowded by people,

Slowly dying...
Alone.

[audrey farnsworth @audipenny]

Did I misunderstand you, or are you terrible

[ツ Melo ツ @melicious85]

Apparently, if you're hot, men will deliver you shit. I heard it on the news. Its worth a shot, I drink Canadian.

[ツ Melo ツ @melicious85]

The best thing about insomnia is that extra meal you get each day.

[ツ Melo ツ @melicious85]

Love is letting a guy do for you what you could do for yourself in half the time, and with one finger.

[ツ Melo ツ @melicious85]

Relationship status: abusing hard drugs and selling my panties online.

[ツ Melo ツ @melicious85]

I faked an orgasm once because my arm was tired.

[ツ Melo ツ @melicious85]

I hope I get my pussy eaten by one of these Mexicans, considering it's Cinco De Mayo and all.

[ツ Melo ツ @melicious85]

Whenever the brain and the heart fight, its always the liver that suffers.

[ツ Melo ツ @melicious85]

SERIOUS INTERNET WARNING:
If you get an email titled "Nude photo of Hillary Clinton" DONT Open It! For it is nude photos of Hillary Clinton!

[A Black Banana @The_BlackBanana]

Sometimes a beer is the answer

[ツ Melo ツ @melicious85]

I celebrated 4/20 on January 5th because I know how to reduce fractions

[God @TheTweetOfGod]

Retweeting this counts as going to church.

[Just Call Me Frank™© 🪄 @JustCallMeFrank]

*pours another drink*
You don't make the rules here.