Melissa Perrine

[Melissa Perrine @melisperrine]

@SpiritAirlines how is it I paid more to choose my seat, only for you to get rid of my seat selections?? When I’m traveling with a baby? Then have the audacity to say I need to pay more to get my same seats back. First and last time flying with this airline

[dana donnelly @danadonnelly]

bf who drives, gf who stares at her phone the whole time then complains that the way he’s driving is making her nauseas

[Melissa Perrine @melisperrine]

@TheGirthyBeepus @HomeDepot My brother works at Home Depot

[Melissa Perrine @melisperrine]

@TheGirthyBeepus It would be

[Melissa Perrine @melisperrine]

@TheGirthyBeepus C u l8er

[Melissa Perrine @melisperrine]

@TheGirthyBeepus Stop tweeting about me

[Melissa Perrine @melisperrine]

@TheGirthyBeepus We’re watching this right now too and I can confirm: zaddy

[Barstool Sports @barstoolsports]

YOU WOKE UP THIS MORNING. GOT YOURSELF A GUN.

[Melissa Perrine @melisperrine]

When my hair sticks to my lips after I put on lip gloss/aquaphor/whatever I think about shaving my head

[Melissa Perrine @melisperrine]

Me when I’m having an existential crisis

[Brianna Chickenfry @BChickenfry]

It’s crazy we can like read and write & shit

[Melissa Perrine @melisperrine]

I keep getting emails that my student loans are transferring to “mohela” like what does that mean to me

[Melissa Perrine @melisperrine]

I go from not being hungry to being absolutely starving gonna die if I don’t get food immediately

[Melissa Perrine @melisperrine]

If I ever need a serotonin boost I just watch old episodes of jersey shore

[Melissa Perrine @melisperrine]

You mean to tell me I have to work 5 days again this week

[Melissa Perrine @melisperrine]

Why is it that when I want to stay in on a Saturday night and do nothing I end up getting depressed that I’m doing nothing

[Melissa Perrine @melisperrine]

Had a dream last night that I accidentally shaved off one of my eyebrows and then superglued a fake eyebrow on

[Melissa Perrine @melisperrine]

Slid down an exit ramp this morning without hitting anything or anyone and 5 minutes later there was a 50 car pileup on the same ramp. The timing of that has been haunting me all day 😩

[Melissa Perrine @melisperrine]

@TheMarkGee 🤢🤢🤢

[Melissa Perrine @melisperrine]

Wanted to consistently start going to the gym now that the holidays are over but it’s 20 degrees out and I’m making excuses already 😂 New year same me!

[Diego Lopez @thisdiegolopez]

Embarrassing how proud I am of myself anytime I manage to put my phone down so I can, “focus on the tv”