Melissa wolf

[Melissa wolf @melissawolf__]

in 2nd grade my class performed grandma got ran over by a reindeer and they made me be grandma

[Melissa wolf @melissawolf__]

@MaraMcandrews I’ve got the liner! We’re almost there!

[Melissa wolf @melissawolf__]

I didn’t know that so much of my 20s was going to be spent trying to find my signature lip combo

[Melissa wolf @melissawolf__]

Went on a date this weekend that made me want to focus on my career

[Melissa wolf @melissawolf__]

switched to giving a thumbs down instead of the middle finger while driving bc I’m not mad, just disappointed

[Melissa wolf @melissawolf__]

Woke up hating my on and off situationship after a month of delusion…august is going to be good 🙏

[Melissa wolf @melissawolf__]

people have been telling me “not to tell anybody this” a lot recently and unfortunately I’m having a hard time keeping straight who told me what and what I’m not allowed to tell

[Melissa wolf @melissawolf__]

rediscovered my love for swimming recently. catch me floating whenever possible this summer

[Melissa wolf @melissawolf__]

Something about a man driving a bronco doesn’t sit right with me

[✨spooky kelsey✨ @ksullzz]

and remember: hot girls like baseball

[Melissa wolf @melissawolf__]

@MaraMcandrews There’s something going on today and it’s not good

[Melissa wolf @melissawolf__]

sir what

[Melissa wolf @melissawolf__]

although “I’m giving up dating for lent” is fun, it doesn’t quite hit the same as “I’m giving up homework” used to

[Melissa wolf @melissawolf__]

@MaraMcandrews Greg would be so unfazed

[Melissa wolf @melissawolf__]

@MaraMcandrews Welcome to the club babe

[Melissa wolf @melissawolf__]

big Punxsutawney Phil hater over here…that groundhog is a liar and a vibe killer. Good thing my favorite Phil is Phil of the Future

[Melissa wolf @melissawolf__]

If I tell a story and you believe 100% of the details that’s on you. I’m worried about being entertaining first and being factual second

[Melissa wolf @melissawolf__]

Lost one of my contacts so I’ll be wearing my glasses for the next 3 days in my hometown. Whatever I did to deserve this…there is no greater punishment

[Melissa wolf @melissawolf__]

My nail tech and I sat in complete silence today except for when she was about 2/3 of the way done she said “what religion are you” and I said “Christian” and she didn’t respond

[ella :) @60leafs]

BREAKING NEWS: miracle (2004) just received a 55 minute standing ovation from me in my living room after watching it for the 200th time

[Melissa wolf @melissawolf__]

crazy for YOU to label something as important in MY inbox