Jord 🦕

Instagram: jordan_melling

[Jord 🦕 @melling_jordan]

@tomhelps4 $Toofastforlove

[Jord 🦕 @melling_jordan]

I have *

[Jord 🦕 @melling_jordan]

Since living in America I’d have 0 respect for people who don’t tip…

[Jord 🦕 @melling_jordan]

I had a dream that Kate Middleton blocked me on Twitter...

[Jord 🦕 @melling_jordan]

*hoedown throw down...I am drunk

[Jord 🦕 @melling_jordan]

Put on “hoedown this down” from Hannah Montana and attempted to dance and mum has the audacity to say “I think you need a bit more Hoe in your Throwdown”

[Jord 🦕 @melling_jordan]

@ohjustsam If you do that plz can I come and laugh

[Jord 🦕 @melling_jordan]

Every time I order a new bra or bikini I always forget that the models tits don’t come with it 🥺

[Jord 🦕 @melling_jordan]

You know you’re lonely when you’re sexually attracted to the hormone monster from Big Mouth 😳

[Jord 🦕 @melling_jordan]

One of the perks of sharing a bed with your dog is using them as a hot water bottle in winter 😌

[Jord 🦕 @melling_jordan]

Time to buy winter workout gear for this lockdown, someone fucking shoot me.

[Jord 🦕 @melling_jordan]

Makes me feel slightly better that the whole country is hungover with me 😰

[Jord 🦕 @melling_jordan]

Haven’t had a family New Years in so long and I’m actually excited to do all our old traditions 😂

[R @ReeceCrotonn]

So my shitebag cousins made an insta account for my granny which i thought was them taking the piss, turns out it was my granny all along and my aunty has just text me this 😂

[Jord 🦕 @melling_jordan]

Kind of annoyed I had my Christmas dinner nap because I’m gonna be wideeeeeee awake for hours now

[Jord 🦕 @melling_jordan]

Got more Christmas presents for my dog than I did for my boyfriend
✨ priorities ✨

[lewys @lookingforlewys]

type of news you randomly drop on a saturday afternoon is like ‘we’re having lasagne for dinner’ not ‘oh btw you’re going into tier 17 x’

[darwin @itsnotdarwin]

i do skin care but my skin doesn’t care

[Jord 🦕 @melling_jordan]

Whenever my dads low-key mad at my mum he always makes her cups of tea in the mug with the fish on it 😂

[Jord 🦕 @melling_jordan]

I honestly thought I would’ve grown out of the whole ‘eating when bored’ thing...23 years old and still stuffing my face 👍🏻