Jesus Chrystal

a singular femur bone in a field

[Jesus Chrystal @mellowbellow1]

Anyone: *hiccups*
Me: "do you want me to scare you?"

[Jesus Chrystal @mellowbellow1]

It's really unfortunate that sometimes, after I get home from hanging with my friends, I forget to unfollow the fitness influencers they suggested and I politely followed while they were looking.

[Jesus Chrystal @mellowbellow1]

@Pringles what is up with my chips???

[Jesus Chrystal @mellowbellow1]

"Damn, wow, spittin' hot fire tonight" -me, smelling my own farts

[Jesus Chrystal @mellowbellow1]

@DocChi7 @skominers @deetweep_ @NoahZinsmeister @racefi_io @FredORourkeJr @Empirick99 @tobugger @abefromanprod @SeanMacAonghais @iliaoliao @SuvrajitDas16 @livethelifetv

[Jesus Chrystal @mellowbellow1]

@HGraceSchmitz @CheapoCrappy No

[Jesus Chrystal @mellowbellow1]

I know I'm comfortable when I'm at someone's house and it auto connects to their wifi.

[Jesus Chrystal @mellowbellow1]

But what if Punxatawney Phil is just mad?

[Jesus Chrystal @mellowbellow1]

Not #billandfrank living my dream life during an apocalypse #TheLastOfUs

[Jesus Chrystal @mellowbellow1]

The human pyramid walked so the human centipede could shuffle.

[Jesus Chrystal @mellowbellow1]

Reached my "Overwhelming-Need-To-Scream-Into-The-Void" peak early today.

[Jesus Chrystal @mellowbellow1]

"Heh-heh..well, caution, meet wind." -me as I grab my fourth Reeses Peanut Butter Cup in a row

[Jesus Chrystal @mellowbellow1]

@likeagschmitz looks like we're getting back into ACNH

[Jesus Chrystal @mellowbellow1]

Machete: The Perfect Rat Weapon

[Jesus Chrystal @mellowbellow1]

There are three young men in line at sephora bonding over their sephora experience. 🤌

[Jesus Chrystal @mellowbellow1]

Brendan Fraser is both the hero we deserve and the hero we need right now.

[Jesus Chrystal @mellowbellow1]

I just got an ad for tucking panties. I'm honored, but I do have a vagina.

[Jesus Chrystal @mellowbellow1]

Uselessly brushing my teeth before going out with friends to eat shit loads of garlic knots.

[Jesus Chrystal @mellowbellow1]

I've been watching old Nathan For You episodes and Hulu is now recommending Punk'd to me. Someone at Hulu does NOT understand what Nathan For You is.

[Jesus Chrystal @mellowbellow1]

We went from making jokes about Star Wars: The Clone Wars being a show about war crimes, to GeoWar LuCrimes way too quickly.