Chelsea

🍕🌮🍔🍟🍺🏈🐶🐱

[Chelsea @melseylynn]

"I don't have a parasite, I'm pregnant."

I'm sorry but I still don't see the difference in what you're saying...

[Chelsea @melseylynn]

They made fun of us for being all that and a bag of chips, but I feel like becoming a snack was a downgrade

[Chelsea @melseylynn]

You know someone is about to say some real stupid shit when they announce they are a tax payer first

[Chelsea @melseylynn]

Dahmer and the police are like Brady and the refs

[Chelsea @melseylynn]

New Dahmer series on Netlfix is just Napoleon Dynamite as a super gruesome killer

[Chelsea @melseylynn]

Did anyone ever go get Tom Brady off the field or is he still waiting for fourth down?

[Chelsea @melseylynn]

If you haven't given your pet any treats today, go give them one from me.

[Chelsea @melseylynn]

While we are changing names, drop the United, we are just The States now.

[Chelsea @melseylynn]

EVERYONE is yelling, but no one is LISTENING

This is usually the point I leave Thanksgiving dinner to smoke

[Chelsea @melseylynn]

Because decent police officers are too fucking scared to stand up to the corrupt ones and the corrupt ones go so high up in the department and the government, it's just ALL fucked. Throw the whole system away this is GARBAGE. 👮‍♂️🗑🚮

[Chelsea @melseylynn]

I usually stay out of things. I'm not an activist. I'm not political. I'm not religious. I mind my own business.

BUT

IF THIS COP WALKS, I will fucking riot too!!

[Chelsea @melseylynn]

When you're actively slowly executing someone and staring directly into a camera, for some reason thinking you won't have to answer for this? AND claim "accident" and "medical emergency" with that many witnesses? Why is he so comfortable doing this?

[Chelsea @melseylynn]

Who is in charge of portion control at Five Guys? Shit's out of control.

[Chelsea @melseylynn]

SOMEONE PROTECT BETTY WHITE

[Chelsea @melseylynn]

Are they going to quarantine every NBA team for precaution now?

Projected pregnancies for March just dropped substantially.

[Chelsea @melseylynn]

I refuse to be a victim of Girl Scout guilt.

[Chelsea @melseylynn]

How many of you got a flu shot this year? If they had a coronavirus vaccine would you have even bothered?

Y'all just need to wash your hands and don't lick hand rails. You're gonna be fine.

[Chelsea @melseylynn]

The ceiling fan above our bed only has 3 settings:

"Is it on?"
"Oh, I can feel it now."
"This thing is gonna fly off the ceiling and kill us all."

[Chelsea @melseylynn]

Can you imagine being paired up with me on Naked and Afraid. You brought a machete, and I brought Legos.

[Chelsea @melseylynn]

I feel confident they never wrote any lines for Andy Dwyer, they just had Chris Pratt smoke weed and say whatever he wanted to.

#ParksAndRecreation