Main: @objectomenace
π³οΈββ§οΈπ³οΈβπ 22 π
this is my EVIL alt account to BITCH and MOAN and be ANNOYING
AUDHD / BPD my life is fucked basically
I don't think the link in my bio works that leads to my Hieronymus playlist :/
So here's both if anyone was curious
Calvin / Theseus Ship Captain
https://t.co/L2ZO8JqDJg
Hieronymus
https://t.co/8tmh6KU7uK
It really doesn't matter though and i'll shut up again because like even talking about it at all I just feel annoying. I'm not really as sad right now as these posts make it seem. I'm still alive and I always am seeking to improve myself and work through my mind.
I want to be known and loved more than anything, but it's like I know in my heart there is too much shit wrong that I could never possibly explain and just. I am too complicated of a person to deal with. I've been through too much and my brain has suffered and regressed too much.
I don't even want people to feel bad for me because honestly no one fucking should. I just want my existence to be noted. I want someone to care about the things I like. I want someone to care when I am happy.
The trauma that i've been through, the shit wrong with my brain, everything i've missed out on, just EVERYTHING, I could never possibly lay it all out. To an extent it's not even worth it because it won't undo anything if I did.
And I said it before but like. As far as how I want a partner to look I am an incredibly shallow person. No one should feel bad for me. I'm fucking begging but i'm also choosing. I don't even know what my brain wants from me half the time.
Always always ALWAYS there is an inner monologue in my head analyzing everything I do and making me overthink EVERYTHING. My brain just never fucking shuts up and I will always talk myself out of any good thing. I need someone with a level of patience that just can't be afforded.
Then again, the last thing an old man needs is to potentially deal with the emotional baggage of my fucking abysmal dogshit life and mental illnesses teeheeeeee
As a young trans guy who likes older men but like not utter sex pests and freaks I have no idea where to even begin to look. Even just as friends to talk to bc realistically I like more submissive men and know neither of us are getting what we want π
And I want to be with someone way more quiet and subdued. I wish I had more money because literally I would just be out here like Gatsby adoring someone. But I am poor and in shit ass fucking America and uh... maybe still a little bit intoxicated ππ
I ain't even drunk anymore either i'm just normally this insane. I don't fuck with people my age or under 30 like at ALL. Everyone my age is fucking annoying (me included if you couldn't tell), but I genuinely can't find 99% of them attractive.
Like I promise i'm cute and? Maybe not masc but somewhat dude bro-ish, just also annoying lmao. I get sad seeing men who feel unattractive when they're older like I wanna watch movies with you and make you feel attractive and buy you dinner man idfk. Sorry I have a pussy π
I've tried a LOT of apps but like I was ranting about before, most older men I see just act lobotomized and should probably be on a list, or do not fuck with trans men like at ALL. The only ones i'd be into definitely don't.
Sigh I finished it and am sobering up. Smh. Also a cat was growling out front of my house (it's 3am) and my neighbor was outside on their porch like. I hope they weren't doing something to that cat?? But maybe they got freaked out by the noise and went to check like me.
I would love to be freaky as hell but nothing turns me off more than someone just immediately throwing it all out there and making it pretty clear right away it's the only thing they care about.
ACTUALLY before I crack it open I will say. I am genuinely so fucking over how overtly sexual everything in our culture is and how men are online. Like mfer what if I want to get to know you? What if I fucking care about you? And I guess no hate to people like that but GOD
It pisses me off because it's projected back onto me. Or everyone else is expected to be horny every second and willing to fuck at a moments notice. I couldn't care less, you couldn't PAY me to care less.