kellen

🔮 twitter is the trash can of my thoughts

[kellen @metaphorikell]

Constantly throwing out my iced coffee when I’m done w it and then frantically looking for it a second later

[kellen @metaphorikell]

In the grand scheme of things, what the fuck.

[Blake Anderson @UncleBlazer]

hangover so bad you have an existential crisis

[kellen @metaphorikell]

"Jesus Christ" always takes me back to driving around the streets of Huntington Beach at 3 AM all summer 2007. No matter where I am. 💘🔒🕯

[kellen @metaphorikell]

I personally blame all of the MySpace quizzes I filled out as a teenager for my blind narcissism.

[Betches @betchesluvthis]

Watching Kristina continually get fucked over by the same guy is giving me major flashbacks to every conversation I've ever had at brunch.

[kellen @metaphorikell]

Upside to how much hair I shed on a daily basis: if I'm ever murdered there will be SO MUCH DNA LEFT BEHIND. 💇

[Sophie Vershbow @svershbow]

#BachelorInParadise is the only place on earth where Matt somehow trumps Ben Z.

[Ivsy @Ivsy01]

It makes me sad when I see a pair of underwear in the 7-11 parking lot cuz I used to be fun like that.

[kellen @metaphorikell]

@PaytenRigsbee STOP IT 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 friends don't let friends (burn down their house) eat carbs

[kellen @metaphorikell]

Lily: with your braid you're Elsa!
Me: if I have brown hair will I still look like Elsa?
Jess, her dad: no you'll be someone elsa
#dadjokes

[kellen @metaphorikell]

(But who is SO GLAD she went to the gym earlier now)

[kellen @metaphorikell]

Who also has to work for him for the next hour and a half.

[kellen @metaphorikell]

So obviously this is when the manager decides to come talk to the girl parked in his customers only lot. Who is now not wearing a shirt.

[kellen @metaphorikell]

Got to work 30 min early and was reading parked behind the bar. About to go in so I change my shirt from the last brand I worked earlier

[John McCain @SenJohnMcCain]

.@POTUS's pardon of Joe Arpaio, who illegally profiled Latinos, undermines his claim for the respect of rule of law https://t.co/2FckGtwQ2m

[Phoenix New Times @phoenixnewtimes]

We've been covering Joe Arpaio for more than 20 years. Here's a couple of things you should know about him... 1/many