Womb Raider 🇬🇷

[Womb Raider 🇬🇷 @metsofokas]

“did she text you back?”

no, but i know kindness. i know friendship. i know love. i know how to see the world in a grain of sand, and heaven in a wildflower. i know how to hold Infinity in the palm of my hand, and eternity in an hour.

[bunny @stiIlrain]

real ass nigga

[ms wiener mcgee @fartbuttsex30]

this is an all time tweet to me

[🏳️‍🌈stickydacat🏳️‍⚧️ @stickydacat]

I said "lowkirkenuinely" at the register to my wife and a clerk nearby nearly broke his neck to look at me like this

[Natalie @FalcoNat38]

ooh i’m zohran mamdani. my wife is hot. my favorite soccer team won the league for the first time in 22 years. my favorite basketball team won the championship for the first time in 53 years. fuck you man.

[🏴based opossum🏴🚬 @CrustPunk161]

Gotta be a top 5 worst place to take your replica pipe bomb

[brian @brianonhere]

whoever designs online portals for local governments is making user interface decisions so bizarre and hostile they actually verge on avant-garde

[bridget @pacinocrave]

Zohran Mamdani deport Jerry Seinfeld and you will be reincarnated as a lotus flower

[mr. booty ham sandwich @r0ttensilver]

i’m so interested in all that is unknown to me

[Anakin Skywanker @justpearthings]

Dick too fat doctor had me taking girth control pills

[Christopher @molochofficial]

Saw a black guy in a full Hitler costume waving an Israeli flag near the Boston Commons but I was trying to catch the green line so I didn’t have time to try and parse what was happening ideologically

[pxt @paulxt]

Finding Nemo is unmistakable as a 2003 text because the supposed heroes gain the information they need through torture

[bug girl @buggirl]

in nature if a monkey hoarded 1 trillion bananas the other monkeys would beat that monkey to death and take his bananas

[WitWoe @WillyTheWendigo]

is it more embarrassing to *survive*, or to be *killed* by an ancient sling bullet that reads "get pregnant with this"

[birdie @asifoncue]

Texting your depressed friend always keeps U on your toes