Mike Johnson

ICU Nurse | Powerlifter

[Mike Johnson @mgj460]

"Who am I?
Today.
Right the fuck now.
What am I made of?"
-Chris Duffin

[BLAIRE WHITE @BlaireWhite]

$750 for our hurricane victims, but billions for Ukraine.

3 nights in a hotel for our hurricane victims, but free housing for immigrants.

Fucking insane.

[Benny Johnson @bennyjohnson]

Kamala just told Americans they will be receiving $750 to those who ‘truly need it’ for hurricane relief..

We can send BILLIONS to Ukraine but Americans who have lost everything only get $750 dollars?!

[UFC @ufc]

A new fighter has been added to the roster 🦛

[Josh Black @SirJoshuaBlack]

Me after hitting “no tip” and turning the tablet back around

[Funny Supply @funnysupply]

indian scammer: hello, this is IRS. require $3500 in walmart gift card, or you go to prison for long time

old people:

[National Park Service @NatlParkService]

Hike in groups. Bears like to have options

[han @bitethehan]

55 burgers 55 fries 55 tacos 55 fries 55 cokes 100 tater tots 100 pizzas 100 tenders 100 meatballs 100 coffees 55 wings 55 shakes 55 pancakes 55 pastas 55 peppers and 155 taters

[Liam Nissan™ @theliamnissan]

Even if you found a feral child in the Appalachian woods and then educated it on absolutely nothing but Jerry Springer reruns and corn dog nutrition facts it would still have a better understanding of the United States Constitution than Marjorie Taylor Greene.

[HasbullaHive 🐐 @HasbullaHive]

Brother, never pick up a pen again

[sun goddess @brwngrlkaren]

If social security is going to run out of reserves and only pay 77% of benefits by 2034 then why am I still paying hundreds per paycheck for something I won’t receive?

[Shayne Topp @supershayne]

My toxic trait is believing I could enter a gorilla enclosure and earn their respect.