Matthew Holt

Getting older everyday

[Matthew Holt @mholt15]

Both of my kids are chanting "random diarrhea."

[Matthew Holt @mholt15]

@MikeMarre Isn't your boy Marcus the 6th man? WORSE BENCH IN HISTORY?

Eat a Snickers Mike

[Matthew Holt @mholt15]

There was NO WAY the guy in the mens room was going to let me wash my hands longer than him

[Matthew Holt @mholt15]

You ain't a real husband until you've rinsed out a salad spinner

[Matthew Holt @mholt15]

Having a 3YO means answering hundreds of questions each day like "What if a great white shark ate a falcon?"

Really makes ya think

[Matthew Holt @mholt15]

@MikeMarre You think about sports a lot huh?

[Matthew Holt @mholt15]

Hit a point in Parenthood where my 3 YO gets out of the bath and lies on the floor and we cover him with a towel and we don't think it's weird. He calls it "turtleing"

[Matthew Holt @mholt15]

Advice from a 5 year old: Never hold a monkey's hand because they've been pulling out their own poop

#TheMoreYouKnow

[Matthew Holt @mholt15]

My daughter's nutcracker lives in my nightmares #MerryChristmas

[WeRateDogs @dog_rates]

This is Toffi. She tried her best and that’s all we can ask for. 12/10 and the couch is cancelled

[Matthew Holt @mholt15]

@MikeMarre Yea he should spend more time pre-game throwing chest passes and doing foot-fires!!! What a ball hog! Guy isn't even rebounding! #DEFENSE!

[WeRateDogs @dog_rates]

This is Willo. She likes to awoo while she eats. Tonight’s meal was worthy of a gentler, but perhaps more meaningful, second awoo. 13/10

[Matthew Holt @mholt15]

My son refers to beat boxing as "poo-poo-chee" and I love it #kids

[Matthew Holt @mholt15]

10pm is late

[FavoriteHorror @FavoriteHorror]

Wait for it... Wait for it.. #horror #horrorfans

[Matthew Holt @mholt15]

@codymholt #hottakes

[Matthew Holt @mholt15]

If asked my wife would probably say one of my best qualities is that I know how to cut a mango

[Matthew Holt @mholt15]

Nothing says "you're getting old" like a happy birthday email from your urologist office