mic2mouth

I think I’m hilarious #hashtagwarrior

[mic2mouth @mic2mouth]

Loving, Supportive, Better when drunk #DescribeYourFamilyIn5Words

[mic2mouth @mic2mouth]

My performance in pretending I care about other people’s problems #IdGiveIt5Stars

[mic2mouth @mic2mouth]

Sorry - can’t talk right now - busy with our Tuba Wars and glow stick light sabers

[mic2mouth @mic2mouth]

No one forgets personal space faster than a kid at a birthday party

[mic2mouth @mic2mouth]

#CanIGetADoOverOn my first marriage? And by that, I mean, to not have done it

[mic2mouth @mic2mouth]

The school year is beginning… #AndToThatISay pour me a double!

[mic2mouth @mic2mouth]

#ItsReallyAwkwardWhen I have to pretend I didn’t know my nipples were showing

[mic2mouth @mic2mouth]

#WhenIDoNotKnowTheAnswer I ask my know-it-all child

[mic2mouth @mic2mouth]

#JustKnewIWasInTrouble when I cut the cheese without measuring first

[mic2mouth @mic2mouth]

#ItsSoBrightOut it’s hard to see how depressed I am… nope… wait… there it is

[mic2mouth @mic2mouth]

#ICannotGoWithout ice cream and bodily autonomy

[mic2mouth @mic2mouth]

MICROWAVE: Pop tarts aren’t dinner
STOVE: Neither is an iced coffee and a handful of Doritos
FRIDGE: Yeah … okay fine… a Bloody Mary counts #IfMyKitchenCouldTalk

[mic2mouth @mic2mouth]

#AtLeastOnceADay I ask my parents WHY

[mic2mouth @mic2mouth]

#FeelSurroundedBy people dumb enough to lose fingers to glorified sparklers

[mic2mouth @mic2mouth]

Get under someone else #HowToMoveOnIn4Words

[mic2mouth @mic2mouth]

#IStartedRollingMyEyesWhen my mother told me to cover my body up for the first time for tHe BoYs

[mic2mouth @mic2mouth]

#ARightMenShouldLose is the audacity

[mic2mouth @mic2mouth]

Find your next GILF with CatCall #BadNamesForDatingSites

[mic2mouth @mic2mouth]

#IWillNeverAgain spill my guts in drunk confessions

[mic2mouth @mic2mouth]

Celery Gomez #CelebritiesInTheSupermarket

[mic2mouth @mic2mouth]

It #WouldBeAHugeRelief if my house chose to keep itself clean a bit longer