Michael Mann

...at least I think I'm funny...

[Michael Mann @michaelhmann]

Do y’all think extraterrestrials get upset when we dress up like them for Halloween?

[Michael Mann @michaelhmann]

Does anyone have Shania Twain's selfie at Coachella? ...asking for a friend...

[Michael Mann @michaelhmann]

"Does she have kids?" ..."No, she has pigs."

[Michael Mann @michaelhmann]

Dear people who take the elevator to the 2nd floor, STOP!

[Michael Mann @michaelhmann]

#TFW you try on a pair of shorts from last summer that don't fit anymore...BUT then you find $10 in the pocket #youwinsomeyoulosesome

[Michael Mann @michaelhmann]

How am I expect to leave the house and be productive when "Madea Goes to Jail" is on?

[Michael Mann @michaelhmann]

A coworker just asked if I was away last weekend cause I looked tan...nope just wearing acrylic sweater that's been baking my skin all day

[Michael Mann @michaelhmann]

"I'm gonna stop tipping and start answering the door topless"

[Michael Mann @michaelhmann]

WE DEMAND VINTAGE COPS! https://t.co/0JX4uL5MSs

[Char⭐️ @NarlotteChester]

@spike Please air vintage cops episodes! Same episodes all the time I want some good ole vintage cops action!

[Michael Mann @michaelhmann]

STOP CLAPPING INTO THE MIC!

[Michael Mann @michaelhmann]

"I'm way too hairy to wear lace" -coworker

[Michael Mann @michaelhmann]

#tfw you're so bored that you find yourself checking your @Starbucks app for updates

[Michael Mann @michaelhmann]

I don't even know why I try anymore

[Michael Mann @michaelhmann]

Y/N? #HunchbackVibes

[Michael Mann @michaelhmann]

The snow is so beautiful in NYC...mostly because it covers all the trash.

[Michael Mann @michaelhmann]

@michaelhmann sp check. Binks* not Binx as in Thackery.

[Michael Mann @michaelhmann]

True confessions: my conscience sometimes speaks to me in Jar Jar Binx. Esp. when mesa hungry.

[Michael Mann @michaelhmann]

#tfw your @Uber pool becomes a private ride!

[Michael Mann @michaelhmann]

#tfw you ask someone how they are after they ask you how you are because you first asked them how they were...

[Michael Mann @michaelhmann]

"Mmmmm can I have one of those Chiclets?" "...that was my birth control" #OverheardAtWork