Michael Johnson

Never argue with idiots. They will drag you down to their level, and beat you with experience

[Michael Johnson @michaelj_1697]

Honestly, what would we do without Costco chicken pot pie?

[JEK VaNNNNN @ScHoolBoyV20]

Insane how good the CGI is when they aren't pumping out 50 movies a year with most of the budget going towards paying every A lister in town.

[Michael Johnson @michaelj_1697]

It says a lot about your character when there are 3 empty urinals and you choose the middle one

[Michael Johnson @michaelj_1697]

How am I supposed to exceed expectations, if the expectation is to exceed expectations????

[Michael Johnson @michaelj_1697]

I usually like to cut my garlic bread in slices, that way it looks less sad when I eat the whole loaf in one sitting

[Michael Johnson @michaelj_1697]

Same Kirkland.. fucking same

[Zach Regelin @ZRegelin]

Going golfing in the morning and I’m already prepared to blame my score on Pac-12 refs

[Men's Humor @MensHumor]

Dr. Google, MD

[Men's Humor @MensHumor]

The force is strong with this one

[Shea Serrano @SheaSerrano]

"I promise I won't cry. It's just a single frame from a tv show."

The single frame:

[Men's Humor @MensHumor]

RIP to the man who was better being Burt Reynolds than Burt Reynolds himself.

[Men's Humor @MensHumor]

Dennis Rodman is involved with this somehow

[Michael Johnson @michaelj_1697]

I feel like life as we know it peaked when the movie “Grown Ups” came out. What I would give to experience that movie for the first time again

[Men's Humor @MensHumor]

Most of that stuff is cringe though

[lil spinach freak 🌿✨ @uncannnie]

Yes toxic relationships are hard but do you know what else is hard? Your first healthy relationship after a toxic one. No one talks about how hard it is to unlearn all the toxic behaviors you adapted as coping mechanisms. How hard it is to convince yourself that you’re safe now.

[Michael Johnson @michaelj_1697]

Cheese on instant ramen, don’t @ me