Michael Salloway

[Michael Salloway @MichaelSalloway]

Amazon could deliver packages a lot faster if the driver didn’t sit in front of every house for 20 minutes before dropping off the packages #Amazon #AmazonPrime #delivery #UPS #FedEx #USPS #mail

[Michael Salloway @MichaelSalloway]

#voicesavepryor

[Michael Salloway @MichaelSalloway]

Me every 4 years: “Why can’t the Americans land their jumps?” #Olympics #NBColympics #PyeongChang2018 #2018WinterOlympics

[Michael Salloway @MichaelSalloway]

The Brazilian team looks like minions #Olympics #OpeningCeremonies #2018WinterOlympics

[Michael Salloway @MichaelSalloway]

If I’m forced to watch one more movie where a girl gets angry and throws her wedding ring into the ocean, I am going to take up scuba diving! #romcom #HappyHolidays #scuba

[Michael Salloway @MichaelSalloway]

Parts of Florida have now been without power for 24 hours or as the Orthodox call it Shabbos #irma #hurricaneimra

[Michael Salloway @MichaelSalloway]

You should not have to wear riot gear to report the weather. #Irma #hurricaneirma2017 #weatherchannel #FloridaStrong

[Michael Salloway @MichaelSalloway]

T-Mobile providing hot spots throughout Florida, which means that the entire state of Florida will not have internet! #irma #IrmaHurricane

[Michael Salloway @MichaelSalloway]

Eclipse is Hawaiian for day time robbery #eclipse #solareclipse #solar #SolarEclispe2017 #

[Michael Salloway @MichaelSalloway]

Pretty sure my wife wants me dead. I said that my allergies are killing me & her suggestion is that we go outside & take a walk! #allergies

[Richard Lewis @TheRichardLewis]

Mike Jacobs. We toured a lot. I loved him. Kind, supportive, hilarious. He just passed. Shocked.X to his fam RIP.

[Michael Salloway @MichaelSalloway]

I guess it's safe to say that United Airlines' slogan is no longer, "Come Fly The Friendly Skies" #unitedAIRLINES #FlyTheFriendlySkies

[Michael Salloway @MichaelSalloway]

If anyone wants to visit the baby, please come at 3 AM when he is awake. #baby #Parenthood #parenting #nosleep #Delirious #tired #gotosleep

[Michael Salloway @MichaelSalloway]

Pregnant wife just said: Will you put the pudding away so I don't have to stand up? #pregnant #pudding #my600poundwife #sorrynotsorry #cosby

[The Friars Club @friarsclub]

Laughter is great cardio. See @MichaelSalloway @benasher @forstenhausler @ReginaDeCicco @MichelleSlonim live @ FRIARS 1/10 #comedyshow #fun

[Michael Salloway @MichaelSalloway]

Last night we only had enough oil to fry one latke, but we were able to fry eight. It's a Hanukkah miracle. #Hanukkah #holidays #latkes

[Michael Salloway @MichaelSalloway]

Ever been on a road trip and had to ask the waitress at Cracker Barrel, where are we? #crackerbarrel #HappyHolidays #merrychristmas #lost

[Michael Salloway @MichaelSalloway]

It's almost that time of year when the guy who never took down his Christmas lights goes from idiot to genius! #Christmas #HappyHolidays

[Michael Salloway @MichaelSalloway]

Election Day - the one Day every four years where being a poll worker is a legitimate job! #Election2016 #MakeAmericaGreatAgain #ImWithHer

[Michael Salloway @MichaelSalloway]

America votes every 4 years because they is hoe long it takes to get over the grudges from each election! #Trump2016 #HillaryClinton #vote