Ben Asher

I am a Comedian from New York.
I speak truth to those who speak 'to Empower!'

[Ben Asher @benasher]

Roe vs. Wade doesn't make sense to many people. I think the Supreme Court should rule that the Miami Heat must sign both Roe and Wade to play together.

[Ben Asher @benasher]

The recording on my doctor's office phone says "If this is a true medical emergency hang up and dial 911" But it never tells me what to do in a fake medical emergency.. which is especially unfortunate for hypochondriacs who are having a true-fake medical emergency.

[Ben Asher @benasher]

TONIGHT! The @nycomedyfest presents #ArthurAvenue Comedy with Ben Asher
9pm Stand-Up Comedy in the Bronx
@ClintonHallNY 601 E 189th st
Top comics perform long sets
@himishahan
@julianna_maher
@benasher
@MichaelHComedy
RSVP for FREE https://t.co/ZqBczMkT09 #NYComedy #makeNYlaugh

[Ben Asher @benasher]

TONIGHT! Presented by @nycomedyfest 9pm Stand-Up Comedy in the Bronx on #ArthurAvenue
@ClintonHallNY 601 E 189th st Top comics perform long sets on 11/9
@himishahan
@julianna_maher
@benasher
@MichaelHComedy
RSVP for FREE https://t.co/ZqBczM3PY9 #NYComedy #makeNYlaugh #Fordham

[Ben Asher @benasher]

Arthur Avenue Comedy with Ben Asher is TONIGHT! at Clinton Hall Bronx with
@himishahan
@julianna_maher
@benasher
@MichaelHComedy

[New York Comedy Festival @nycomedyfest]

We're keeping it going tonight with shows from @jennyslate , Kiki Funny Mama's Night Out, Would You Bang Him? and Zach Zimmerman: We Need To Talk! #makeNYlaugh https://t.co/N5itAXexvf

[Ben Asher @benasher]

Wednesdays! 9pm Stand-Up Comedy in the Bronx on #ArthurAvenue @ClintonHallNY 601 E 189th st Top comics performing long sets on November 2nd
@carmenlagala
@JayNog
@benasher
Ben Miller
@LauraHigh5
RSVP for FREE https://t.co/ZqBczM3i8B #NYC #CtComedy #NYComedy #makeNYlaugh #Fordham

[Ben Asher @benasher]

Catch me on stage tonight in Queens on @CharlesMcBee's Nerd Is The New Black @QEDAstoria at 7:30pm. This is always a great show.

[Charles McBee @CharlesMcBee]

Tonight don't miss another NErd Is The New Black at @QEDAstoria ITs gonna be a banger.

[Ben Asher @benasher]

If Jesus were alive today he would have become an OB-GYN who performs abortions.

[Ben Asher @benasher]

Wednesdays! 9pm Stand-Up Comedy in the Bronx on #ArthurAvenue @ClintonHallNY 601 E 189th st Top comics performing long sets on 9/14
@IbrahimKhalif83
@benasher
@funnyaaron
James Mac
@ginnyhogan_
@hothingsgirlsay

RSVP for FREE https://t.co/ZqBczM3PY9 #NYC #CtComedy #NYComedy

[Ben Asher @benasher]

The UK is a nation of great actors. Millions of people performing ceremonial, symbolic mourning of a ceremonial, symbolic monarch.

[Ben Asher @benasher]

I'm the best kept secret on twitter. So don't ruin it.

[Ben Asher @benasher]

The reason why Donald Trump was keeping so many documents containing human intelligence sources is because he was hoping they would finally give him some human intelligence.

[Ben Asher @benasher]

@lizzzzzielogan We'll mention it even if the character in the movie is not Jewish!

[Ben Asher @benasher]

Spending any amount of your life posting on twitter in order to gain more followers is behavior worse than trolling. Have something urgent to say.

[Ben Asher @benasher]

Apps that tell you how big your fetus is compared to sizes of fruits or vegetables is really useful if you want to eat more than just the placenta after you give birth, but you don't know how many cannibals to invite for dinner.

[Ben Asher @benasher]

Every Monday! 9pm Stand-Up Comedy in the Bronx on Arthur Avenue @ClintonHallNY 601 E 189th st Featuring top comics performing long sets on August 29th
@brianjian
@benasher
@glennjcohen
@Fatdocdee
Chris Warren
RSVP for FREE https://t.co/ZqBczM3i8B #NYC #CtComedy #NYComedy

[Ben Asher @benasher]

Every Monday! 9pm Stand-Up Comedy in the Bronx on Arthur Avenue @ClintonHallNY 601 E 189th st Featuring top comics performing long sets on August 15th
@aaaaronweaver
@IncomparableMsC
@ChrisCyrComedyy
@daniel_vezza
@benasher
RSVP for FREE https://t.co/ZqBczM3i8B #NYC #Comedy

[Ben Asher @benasher]

I just witnessed a conversation with a wackjob Texas gun nut who actually said, "I'm not anti-abortion... Just anti-roe v wade... I'm pro-choice."
I'd hate to know what he'd be against if he claimed to be anti-abortion.

[Ben Asher @benasher]

Every Monday! 9pm Stand-Up Comedy in the Bronx on Arthur Avenue @ClintonHallNY 601 E 189th st
Featuring top comics performing long sets on August 15th
@garysharpcomedy
@patriciadiddy
@benasher
@tommyamado
@notannefrankk
RSVP for FREE https://t.co/sAEoEP3YQZ
#NYC #Fordham #Comedy

[Ben Asher @benasher]

Stay tuned for upcoming tour dates for my new hour of stand-up comedy: "Genital Inspections"

[Ben Asher @benasher]

Every Monday! 9pm Stand-Up Comedy in the Bronx on Arthur Avenue @ClintonHallNY 601 E 189th st @benasher presents top comics performing long sets. 8/8 @benasher will be work-shopping material for his new half-hour
RSVP for FREE https://t.co/sAEoEP3YQZ
#NYC #Fordham