mickey__hanley

[Phill @MeekPhill_]

Lou Gehrig in his final season while battling ALS

.143/.273/.143

[Cheapie13 @Cheapie13]

I had 32 beers last night and I’m scared to look through my phone. I’m just going to factory reset it

[fredesque @FredTaming]

hard to imagine a more embarrassing death than being beaten with a candlestick in a library by someone named colonel mustard

[jordan @jordan_stratton]

Every time I use self-checkout, the person in front of me has never used self-checkout, touchscreens, or money before

[Riley Collins @rileycollins__]

Guy who is about to drink like he used to:

Man I really can’t drink like i used to

[B.W. Carlin @BaileyCarlin]

Oh my god the Mets have a driving crooner cam

[mickey__hanley @mickey__hanley]

i just rejected plans because "the music is going to be too loud there".. i should be eligible for senior discounts at this point

[mickey__hanley @mickey__hanley]

what does this even mean?

[Yahoo Sports @YahooSports]

Arch Manning will not opt in to EA Sports College Football 25, per @AnwarRichardson.

Manning is "focused on playing football on the field."

[owen cyclops @owenbroadcast]

men: “alright time to relax” (boots up extremely stressful video game)

[mickey__hanley @mickey__hanley]

i had navy -7.5, worst beat in a LONG time for me.. i don't want to talk about it

[Barstool Sports @barstoolsports]

Army just took a safety and cashed the over (27.5)

What a moment for America! @stoolgambling

[shen the bird @Shen_the_Bird]

me: [after successfully using my time machine to bring a founding father to the present] so do you think the 2nd ammendment is still reflective of our culture and technology

benjamin franklin: can we go get more mcchickens

me: no stop asking me that

[Jake @dubiousrhetoric]

[after I cut a bagel] would you like the side that is somehow three times larger than the original bagel or the side that is the first object ever to have only two dimensions

[Pepper Boy @KiddDozer]

Son you are 18 now would you rather inhale toxic fumes or stare at excel for 8 hours a day

[mickey__hanley @mickey__hanley]

just the most mets way to lose a game after waving the white flag on this season and possibly the next

[brent @murrman5]

at my local diner ordering eggs “gorilla” style and refusing to explain further

[stu @rinbcage]

"Everything's fine," the babysitter said into the phone. "But can I cover up the weird clown statue in your hallway?"
"Get out of the house, I'm calling the police," the father urgently replied. "You have disrespected my clown statue and I hate you."

[Jacob Spiegel @jacobroyspiegel]

“It’s just one of those weeks” I tell myself, having picked a career that does not seem to have the other type of week.