Michael Turner

Home Loan Expert | Real Estate Investor 🏠

[Al Coholic @bitchesLOVEtoad]

pretty cool that 70% of ads now are just for weight loss medicine, gambling, or AI

[duck @ExtremeBlitz__]

is it normal to have inside jokes with yourself that you laugh at subconsciously or is that schizophrenia

[Chris Orzechowski @chrisorzy]

I love when restaurants put “market price” next to certain menu items. Like yeah, I’ve been monitoring scallop futures all week.

[NOBUNAGA🇯🇵🏯_夏樹蒼依 @japan_nobunaga]

USA. A Mexican restaurant. We had not yet ordered anything, and the food was already arriving.

Chips. Salsa. Unrequested. Free.

I stopped the waiter. "We have not earned these."

"They just come with the table, man."

They come with the TABLE. In my land, hospitality is a debt. Every gift creates an obligation, weighed carefully, returned in the proper season with interest of feeling. Here, the gift arrives before you have even proven you can pay for dinner.

This is not an appetizer. This is a declaration: we trust you. Eat.

I ate with the gravity the moment deserved. And then — I must report this calmly — the basket emptied, and a new one appeared.

"Did we…?"

"Refill," the waiter said. "It's bottomless."

Bottomless. They have wells of salsa. The supply lines of this nation are beyond anything my ancestors imagined.

My friend warned me. "Don't fill up on chips, dude."

Too late. I had accepted three baskets. Honor demanded each one be finished — an unfinished gift is an insult. By the time my actual food arrived, I was a ruined man.

I was not hungry. I was not comfortable. I had been defeated by a courtesy.

Generosity that arrives before the request cannot be repaid. It can only be survived.

I know the rule now. I have made my peace with the basket. One basket. Two at the most.

Who am I deceiving. There is no number of baskets I would refuse. The trust of a nation is in that salsa, and I intend to honor all of it.

[Katerina Dimitratos @KDimitratos]

World Cup tourists have discovered New Jersey deli:

[brontë bar wench @a22kay]

a pale immortal trading their immortality for the love of a human is actually a very important trope to me

[scar @imfat]

just fuck around until you accidentally find the infinite money glitch

[The Ball Is Orange @theballisorange]

can’t stop thinking about this. Brett Favre was gone off percs throwing for 350 yds and 4 TD’s. David Wells threw a perfect game hungover. Dock Ellis threw a no hitter on acid. Michael Jordan had the literal Flu Game. Dude couldn’t podcast for 3 days from a little wine. Pathetic.

[Pay Roll Manager Here @UsingLyft]

He’s typing in a search bar, quick show him the search option he’s looking for.

Perfect. He typed the next letter that is also the next letter in the option we just showed him so take that option away and show him an option that doesn’t match at all

[Akira @Akir_a997]

Me when i'm doing something and someone's watching me

[CG @cgtwts]

All those years of refusing to learn Excel, Word and PowerPoint is about to pay off

[Rage ❉ @ragecvlt]

Its all mind, and all limits from it — break free.

[adi @perfectcelebrty]

the hantavirus cruise ship

[Papii🥤 @ammalusty]

[The most 20-25 minutes away guy you have ever heard in your entire life] yeah, i'm about 12 minutes away.

[Drew Fallon @drewfallon12]

this is what i’ve been SAYING

[shoe @shoe0nhead]

theo saying shit many people agree with and joe gaslighting him “we gotta get you off those anti-depressants” is wild when JOE is the one who sounds like the subdued SSRI riddled NPC here. completely neutered. theo just sounds like joe from years ago.

[Johan @Adityapandeydev]

Your brain can learn anything if you practice it daily.