i use the word "hyperreal" almost everyday. this is not good for my paranoia that everyone hates me. even the utilization of the very language now becomes a self-hate indicator. : (
without social media for me to parasitically feed on i would have absolutely nothing. for other people it was a curse that hindered real life, for me, it's not parasitic enough.
I've spent years inadvertently trying to embarrass myself.Even if I'm all alone.Anything to keep the negativity alive. Negativity is all i have. Anything I say or do is not real. I will do anything to feel warm inside. I don't have any image of what I'm doing. Only warmth from em
i think the fundamental social thing is believing you're the "in-crowd" It doesn't matter if it's true or not as long as you believe it. if your brain wasn't born in believing you're in the "in-crowd" then you have to fake it for the rest of your life if you want to socialize.
Thinking about "everything" aka my life without human love makes me very depressed. I really didn't choose to live in a miserable existence. I'm not suicidal. It's just really awful and I do not consent to absorbing these feelings .
When i was in therapy i felt like therapists would never give me insight.I felt we were just there to continuously shove in my face that i was alone. No help just torture. The message at the end of the day was I'm just something you look at because i'm there.