floyd mayflower

[iris! 🏳️‍⚧️ @irisketball]

was napping and had a dream that there was a new nba player called mustafa christmas and his signature move was a stepback layup. he would go directly under the rim and then stepback and lay it up. sensational stuff.

[interpretation @materialcritic]

knowing how it tends to go with male authors and their wives it was probably marge who wrote the odyssey

[Handsome B. Charming @CTachio83984]

catching flack for using a beach towel as a bathroom towel , yeah its such a terrible thing that i have to dry myself off with a towel that has a picture of a smiling sun on it that puts me in a great mood for the rest of the day

[floyd mayflower @midriffemo]

working on this

[the heart @Fredward3948576]

I wish spiders were big enough to prey on us. The threat of being webbed up and sucked to completion would surely keep us humble

[julian @YEAROFTHEWIZARD]

My bad, I thought you said 2 Brilliant dollars. No i dont have that much

[floyd mayflower @midriffemo]

that guy should take a short walk on a no pier

[floyd mayflower @midriffemo]

life oftentimes feels like the game "life is strange"

[floyd mayflower @midriffemo]

i'd feel much safer living somewhere where there are weekly shootings than here, where annually, hundreds—hell, maybe even several dozen—explosions can be heard in quick succession all over town

[floyd mayflower @midriffemo]

maybe i just kill myself for a little bit

[floyd mayflower @midriffemo]

one man's gash is another man's pleasure

[floyd mayflower @midriffemo]

@PotCzach 5 years ago i had this and an mp3 player loaded with unreleased kanye in the center console of my 99 xj

[camryn (JUNE 24TH) @camrymel]

eye bee... video games no homework the weekend dinosaurs snow days apple juice recess?

[bobby @bobby]

i think if you type your password almost right. like one or two mistakes. websites should be like Ahhhh close enough get your ass in here buddy :)

[floyd mayflower @midriffemo]

i wouldnt last a day in jail. i hear you may get teased there

[floyd mayflower @midriffemo]

me: no heads up... is antwon seriously not coming to work again
my unionized weed harvesting leaf cutter ants : 🐜🍃🐜🍃🐜🍃🐜🐜🍃🐜
me: oh my god. give his family my condolences.

[floyd mayflower @midriffemo]

hey babe, see how i can smash my thumb right thru this whataburger cup *sloshes 64oz of sweet tea on my own white shirt* do u think i could do that to a guys skull

[Paris @goodyhilton]

Texting the avoidance woman for avoidance

[floyd mayflower @midriffemo]

soft launching a lane change with a turn signal

[floyd mayflower @midriffemo]

not now babe im repairing the local trans flag on wplace

[Berwyn Choobs @sabatonfan69]

Shouted “montagues versus capulets!” At the summer camp football match. I have since been ostracized by the other boys. They fear what they do not understand. They ridicule it. My harmless quip has seen to it that my only solace during these hot days is the diary in which I write