midwestern trash

Lola Ugfuglio Skumpy fan account

[midwestern trash @midwest_trash]

Every night, I look at my retainers and think, “tomorrow night”

[midwestern trash @midwest_trash]

I’ve missed Twitter

[Jordan Arthur Thomson @jthomsonPHIL]

I wonder if the inventor of paper straws ever considered that they would be in prolonged contact with liquid.

[matt bernstein @mattxiv]

“drag will confuse kids” what the hell is this

[🍑y✨ @ki_bydesign]

Got a email from my job saying all employees get a $30 gas card to alleviate high gas prices (we are required to drive clients around). Why when I went to sign up it sent me another email saying I was phished by my tech department as a tester and then got assigned training???🥲💔

[midwestern trash @midwest_trash]

@BryanforHD2 no one would want you there anyway

[The Good Liars @TheGoodLiars]

We asked Ted Cruz to sign the issue of National Enquirer where Donald Trump accused his dad of killing JFK.

[Jason Selvig @jasonselvig]

On Saturday, I was able to speak at the NRA Convention in Houston and “thank” Wayne LaPierre for all his thoughts and prayers.

[GL @gldivittorio]

Hardest quote I’ve ever read

[🏴‍☠️ @cursedkief]

every day is April fools when you’re attracted to men

[Mowgli @Holy_Mowgli]

who decided to “spring forward” at 2 a.m. on the weekend. we should do it at 4 p.m. on a monday

[Anna Merlan @annamerlan]

I know a lot is bad in the world, but I have just learned that when Dolly Parton visits the Madonna Inn, she gets a double order of garlic bread, a large steak, has “magnificent,” ever-changing hair, and is faultlessly sweet to the waitstaff, who she of course calls by name

[Philadelphia Public Health @PHLPublicHealth]

👀

[Josh @FLITTER]

*Pete Davidson sneaking out of the 8th grade dance to smoke a cigarette with his buddies while Stronger by Kanye West plays inside the school gymnasium*

“Yo, one day i’m gonna make this dude HATE me.”

[皇麥克 @DatGuy_DeMike]

I would’ve cut this segment so short. 😂

[ely kreimendahl @ElyKreimendahl]

girls will say “I did a thing :)” and it’s get a PhD in molecular biology