pattern noticer

i got a baby i need some money

[pattern noticer @midwesturn]

I'm not 6'1 I'm 6'3 sorry for lying everyone

[lanawana 🌸 @lana_wanwan]

@midwesturn i know ur insecure but u can say ur real height, it's ok

[pattern noticer @midwesturn]

18 minutes into the second IT man screen sharing with me because I can’t open downloaded files in browser and he’s just whispering “this is not good”

[pattern noticer @midwesturn]

Brainrot

[pattern noticer @midwesturn]

@NotMaamNotMiss The whole family is sitting above the neurotypical range and has formed a new ranking for gets to pick dinner. The idea of someone getting as low of a score as your boss in insane after years of carving myself a niche where I get to cut off most outside interaction

[pattern noticer @midwesturn]

@MoistCr1TiKaL Charlie do you want to come to my son’s first birthday party at the zoo. Matt can come too.

[pattern noticer @midwesturn]

Looked at an analog clock at 8:30 and was instantly transported back to second grade counting how many hours left until school was over

[pattern noticer @midwesturn]

I chose not to shit myself and I’m being judged

[pattern noticer @midwesturn]

Shit myself or interrupt the contact nap?

[pattern noticer @midwesturn]

Shit myself or interrupt the contact nap?

[pattern noticer @midwesturn]

@okeirany Absolutely. I can only produce one bowel movement a day; this dude blows me out of the water

[pattern noticer @midwesturn]

My emotional support 2XL Hiei shirt

[pattern noticer @midwesturn]

@Saddest_Faction Thank you; I am relieved that huntsman spiders are a more wholesome content than usual but still embarrassed

[pattern noticer @midwesturn]

Forgot I was screensharing with IT while they fix my TMS and I was doing paperwork but then knee jerk googled “How big is huntsman spider?” because Ashton is next to me and mentioned spiders and IT went “uuuuh sorry I still need to use your screen”. EMBARRASSMENT

[pattern noticer @midwesturn]

I often have intrusive thoughts and despair over my own baby dying when we are safe in our home; I can’t imagine how devastating it is living with the risk of my family being slaughtered being real like Palestinians are every day

[pattern noticer @midwesturn]

I have fallen into such an odd/small internet hole and two days in I was at the point where I go oh yeah that’s Very Illegal I forgot because everyone here is essentially a Facebook mom selling Mary Kay

[pattern noticer @midwesturn]

They’re sleeping ass to ass like Frank and Charlie

[pattern noticer @midwesturn]

Staring at my son wiggling in his sleep sack like hmmmm this reminds me of someone

[pattern noticer @midwesturn]

Luv to make corn porridge and throw random shit from aldi in it

[pattern noticer @midwesturn]

@SouthwestAir what’s the point of priority boarding if your flight attendants won’t let me sit in the seat near the bathroom with my infant, that the aisle and window seat customers were okay with and tells me to go to the back of the plane? I might as well have been last, awful.

[pattern noticer @midwesturn]

Why do all these Texas middle schoolers have names I can find in Anita Blake novels

[pattern noticer @midwesturn]

Forgot to change and now I’m at a middle school basketball thing in a Small Boobs Energy shirt