Michael Funk

I kick ass, nuff said! haha

[Nathaniel Motte @NAT3OH3]

"People need to stop comparing tebow to Jesus. I mean he's great and all, but he's no tebow." - via my buddy Nick Gold

[Michael Funk @MikeFunk10]

Eli Manning, get me some points! Just not via Hakeem Nicks!!!!

[Michael Funk @MikeFunk10]

@dudwolf3 Tim Tebow is a tank, there's no arguing that!

[Michael Funk @MikeFunk10]

Black Friday is a great way prepare for how people will be driving for the next 4 months... Screw this.

[Danny Zuker @DannyZuker]

Pretty sure I know what my wife's getting me for Xmas cause when I guessed, "A 3-way?" she got all angry like I ruined the surprise.

[NotJayCutler @NotJayCutler]

Hey @KristinCav when you're done dancing, I need some Totino's Pizza Rolls and Wild Things on Blu Ray.

[Michael Funk @MikeFunk10]

Too bad Michael Jackson wasn't able to enjoy the new Twilight... Just like every other girl 13-16 years old.

[Michael Funk @MikeFunk10]

Well, now that #breastawareness month is over, looks like I'm just back to being a creep. Awesome. It was fun being "caring" while it lasted

[Pretender🔶 ⛵️ @SteveJobs_BTC]

All I'm saying is, virgins don't get tramp stamps.

[Leadership Excavator @LeaderExcavator]

Men's Health: Sneezing + taking a leak + Morning wood = one big mess

[rob delaney @robdelaney]

Is "Girl, you KNOW I gotta sniff that thing!" a good pickup line?

[Bill So Hard @PimpBillClinton]

#GhettoHurricaneNames @KimKardashian because it has no problem blowing the entire East Coast just to get on TV.

[Michael Funk @MikeFunk10]

@patiska good question... Reading soap labels?

[nick kroll @nickkroll]

I just joined seal team 69. Im exhausted. but I love america. And oral.

[Michael Funk @MikeFunk10]

@ThePreAnimator its like you're in an episode of CSI, for a month+... Boooooyaaaaa!

[Michael Funk @MikeFunk10]

@MelThomas143 I expected something like "roses are red, trash is stinky, why does my butt smell just like your pinky" looks like I was wrong

[Michael Funk @MikeFunk10]

@BrennenSB ahhhhh just you wait! It gets worse! I now this 900 cals isn't enough after getting into month 2! But, I'm done on Sunday! YES!!!

[Celina C. @clarkle]

I've gotten piss-my-bed drunk, but I'm proud that I've never gotten watch-Chelsea-Handler drunk.