prison mike

Stand-up comic. Wisconsin alum. Voted Most Likely to Succeed in 2012. Day job in sports. Big fan of just hanging out.

[prison mike @MikeHornick]

A fake ID that says you're only 14 so you can get cheaper buffets

[prison mike @MikeHornick]

@cleofis @equine__dentist That’s not a couch. That’s a Marlboro lamp.

[prison mike @MikeHornick]

@lawfulwawful While the entire page was wild, the fact that famous Spanish sailor Juan de Fuca was actually a Greek dude named Ioannis Fokas was the most jarring for me

[prison mike @MikeHornick]

@lawfulwawful What in the hell

[prison mike @MikeHornick]

@drewmorrissey lol she was not amused

[prison mike @MikeHornick]

Do you think they had to make Marilyn Manson wear a cone like this after he got those ribs removed?

[prison mike @MikeHornick]

the two best days in a boat owner's life are the day they buy a boat and the day their wife mysteriously disappears

[Kevin Van Valkenburg @KVanValkenburg]

Experienced occasionally with junior golf last season. 12-year-old girl rolls her push cart up to the first tee with a brand new set of T-200s, SM10 wedges, a GT driver, 3w, 5w and a Scotty with a custom headcover.

Shoots 110 from 5200 yards.

[prison mike @MikeHornick]

I love playing pick up basketball and violently screaming “FOUL” everytime I brick a layup

[prison mike @MikeHornick]

I meant to say 2026**

[prison mike @MikeHornick]

2022 is the year I'm going to stop talking about it and finally go win the lottery

[prison mike @MikeHornick]

Why did they call the show “Judge Judy” and not “Jude Law”?

[aLec robBins @alecrobbins]

resolutions

[prison mike @MikeHornick]

Hey Siri, show me programs for gifted adults near me

[prison mike @MikeHornick]

My problem with group texts is that I think all incoming messages are specifically for me so I have to reply to everything, and that really just ruins it for everyone

[prison mike @MikeHornick]

I’m like 95% sure that’s Barron Trump

[Vengeance Wood🪵 @Vengeancewood]

Guess the NBA player
Difficulty level: Impossible

[prison mike @MikeHornick]

It’s not delivery… it’s Digiorno :(

[prison mike @MikeHornick]

“sit on the floor and humble yourself” from someone selling a chair is incredible lmao

[Fudd Busters @FuddBusters]

The dude selling used office furniture on Facebook marketplace told me to humble myself.

(He was asking 340 btw. I don't think that's a bad lowball.)

[BIGMEM12 @BIGMEM12]

Son I’m actually cryin why did he do this😭

[prison mike @MikeHornick]

Remember back before NFTs when you could just funge any token you wanted?

[prison mike @MikeHornick]

@goldenbearwire @Flo4wyo @BigSkyConf You’re incorrect about the Mountain West. Replay Officials are never hired by the home team. They’re conference officials just like everyone on the field. You might be thinking of the technician who helps run the replay system in the booth, but they have no impact on decisions.

[prison mike @MikeHornick]

4 out of 5 dentists agree that people have wayyy too many teeth