Mike

i drive a prius (he/him)

[Mike @mikeisnotcool]

the cashier at this 7/11 in rural ohio probably doesn’t know that the queen just died

[Mike @mikeisnotcool]

Not only did this country fail our young women, but we also failed our older women that have fought their whole lives for their rights.

[Mike @mikeisnotcool]

I cant stop thinking about my grandma. I talked to her on Monday and she was so excited to cast her vote for women. She grew up in the 2nd wave of feminism with a conservative father that did not believe in women working, but has always been a strong matriarch for her family.

[Mike @mikeisnotcool]

the tension between me and the window seat of this Alaska Airlines flight to Portland rn

[CBS News @CBSNews]

An Alaska Airlines flight made an emergency landing Friday night after a portion of the aircraft blew out mid-air. Video obtained by CBS News appeared to show one of the passenger window panels had been blown out. https://t.co/wKIOLENg3r

[Uncle Randal (Sun Enjoyer) @dood_whud]

“Spotify put me in burlington”
“Spotify put me in LA”
You know how much of a sick fuck you gotta be to be put in FLAGSTAFF

[HEART ATTACK MAN @HeartAttackMane]

The Colorado Avalanche

[Mike @mikeisnotcool]

caesar salad

[Mike @mikeisnotcool]

A bartender snapping my Ohio drivers license in half and saying “dude, this is fake…” is my sign that I’m ready to get an Oregon drivers license

[Mike @mikeisnotcool]

If anyone is curious where I’m at with stereotype levels:

I moved to Portland last week, added “loves outdoors” to my hinge profile, and joined a climbing gym today

[Mike @mikeisnotcool]

Spent 1 hour and 14 minutes on the Pennsylvania Turnpike and it cost me $22.50

Maybe it’s just me but idk if a highway in rural Pennsylvania should make more than minimum wage

[Mike @mikeisnotcool]

this mcdonald’s i’m at is out of grimace shakes how the fuck am i supposed to celebrate grimace’s birthday now

[wayneradiotv @wayneradiotv]

it has been that purple things birthday for far too long

[Mike @mikeisnotcool]

Bo Bichette’s hair is the best thing about baseball

[Toronto Blue Jays @BlueJays]

This could be your middle infield at the All-Star Game 💙

⭐️ Keep Voting: https://t.co/DwPiRk3RP2

[Mike @mikeisnotcool]

perfect timing

[The Oregonian @Oregonian]

Oregon lawmakers vote to allow self-serve gas statewide, ending decades-long ban https://t.co/DQPYI1f8JO

[Mike @mikeisnotcool]

@trixiemattel .@mikesmicYT

[Trixie Mattel™ @trixiemattel]

if my name was “mike” I would say “mikey likey!” Like all the time.

[Mike @mikeisnotcool]

(my contract said i had up to 7 days btw)

[Mike @mikeisnotcool]

ngl having my staff apartment access cut on my last day and having to crawl through the window to move-out because nobody was available to fix the mistake had to be the most demoralizing way to leave a housing job

[Everything Hockey @EHClothing]

William Karlsson speech. Epic😂😂

[Logan Reever @loganreever]

I’m not sure William Karlsson knows what planet he’s on.

Time of his life.

#VegasBorn @8NewsNow

[Sam @lastmigration]

Top 10 most commonly used phrases in the English Language

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