#neverstoplaughing

[#neverstoplaughing @mikelisscomedy]

I’m going to go out on a limb and say that @elonmusk is not interested in buying my business now. 

[#neverstoplaughing @mikelisscomedy]

I hope the Post Office never catches up with the mail. I’ve been sending out November bills for the last two weeks with Santa Stamps on them and not one late charge yet! #Winning #FollowMeForMoreTips #WhenLifeGivesYouCovidTakeAdvantageOfThatSOB #PecoDumb

[#neverstoplaughing @mikelisscomedy]

I was just given a senior discount @Dunkin this morning. I don’t know if I should be pissed at what she thought was under my mask Or was it her way of hitting on me? Either way I plinked that quarter back in my pocket like the frugal pimp she made me feel like. #pimpinainteasy

[#neverstoplaughing @mikelisscomedy]

Thank God I’m still allowed on Twitter, or it would be pretty boring. #tweetinlikearockstar #15followersgoingviral #neverstoplaughing

[#neverstoplaughing @mikelisscomedy]

So who had, “Vice President turns on Trump and protesters storm the capital”, when you saw the murder hornets weren’t going to happen? #MAGA

[#neverstoplaughing @mikelisscomedy]

I’m no doctor, but I’ll take a look.
#YourMoleLooksLikeLincolnIdCallADermatologistOrAmericasGotTalent #ILoveTshirtsSayings #IDontKnowWhatThatIsButImChargingYouDoubleNow #ITakeCashCheckVenmoBitcoinOrArbysCouponsAsPayment#ThatWrinkleInMyForeheadMeansIHaveNoIdeaWhatImDoing

[#neverstoplaughing @mikelisscomedy]

If anybody is looting, I’m a medium husky.

[#neverstoplaughing @mikelisscomedy]

I will continue to scoop loose change off everyone’s bureau. Even if it is just $.19 at a time. RIP Jerry @JerryStiller @BenStillerTweet @KevinJames #kingofqueens @rush #rush

[#neverstoplaughing @mikelisscomedy]

#COVID19 #Coronavirus #ICouldHaveSavedTheWorld #CoronavirusSucks

[#neverstoplaughing @mikelisscomedy]

#CoronavirusSucks

[#neverstoplaughing @mikelisscomedy]

https://t.co/Rxm7Eq9MDT #coronavirus

[#neverstoplaughing @mikelisscomedy]

I just saw a woman rolling a joint while driving. I now see texting while driving as a safer alternative. #SheDidLookLikeSheHadAnxiety

[#neverstoplaughing @mikelisscomedy]

@Snapchat

[#neverstoplaughing @mikelisscomedy]

Here’s to a “regular” holiday season! #FruitcakeDay #CelebratingDriedFigsToo #Wegmans #Altomontes @Wegmans @AltomontesMkt

[#neverstoplaughing @mikelisscomedy]

#Festivus

[#neverstoplaughing @mikelisscomedy]

From the looks of the manger at church today, Jesus was premature.

[#neverstoplaughing @mikelisscomedy]

Every guy would be smiling this much. #ThatFarmerMustveBeenUsingMiracleGrowOnHisCarrots #YoudHaveToScrapeTheSmileOffMyFace #HesPopularWithTheSnowLadies #frostythesnowman

[#neverstoplaughing @mikelisscomedy]

#WhatTheHellIsEminem #IsEminemACandyIShouldKnowAbout #ButMyPhoneAlwaysKnowsImTalkingAbout50CentAndNotTwoQuarters @Eminem @50cent

[#neverstoplaughing @mikelisscomedy]

If you want my recipe, just inbox me. #WeCantAllBeThisCreative #SomePeopleHaveBradleyCooperEyesSomePeopleHaveEclecticTaste