Resident Midwesterner telling jokes in Austin, Texas. Contributor to fine publications like @greenerpastsat @ummuddy and @havencomedy and ATX’s Sidecar Junkaroo
@Iberia Hey thanks for the thoughtful response. It took hours to rebook because you only had two people working the desk. Then when we finally got rebooked and ended our 32hour travel nightmare, you didn’t send all of our bags to the final destination. Absolutely terrible experience.
Almost 100 of us trapped in Madrid because @Iberia wouldn’t hold the plane for 15min. All of our connecting flights were delayed by @Iberia. Then they delayed the plane they wouldn’t let us on for 30 more minutes to get our luggage off. Here is the line we’ve been in for an hour.
I don’t know if there is a recommended number of cologne squirts, but if you leave an elevator and your scent doesn’t, that’s too much papi. That’s too much. Too much.
I always found the term “resting bitch face” to be wildly sexist since we never apply it to men; despite many of them having it. Maybe if we started using “resting dick face” I would feel better about it.
In a business meeting someone said “Our client is a boner pill company, for lack of a better term.” There isn’t a lack. There are a million better terms to use in a business meeting than “boner pill company.”
I love the beer and wine samples at the grocery store. Every time they offer me one I say “yeah, why not? One little sample won’t make me relapse.” Then I shoot it and scream “OH GOD THAT’S GOOD” and take off my shirt.
Prolly getting scammed for sure, but I like to gamble. Trying to take advantage of this trade war by buying some Nikes directly from the kids making them. Stay tuned for the results.
Physical trainers cost too much. Just follow one around a few feet behind while they are training someone else. Then just do their last work out as soon as they finish.