Mike

One day I may almost average 1 tweet a year

[Mike @mikestones99]

Either that chicken breast was overcooked or ive just eaten one of Foghorn Leghorns nipples

[Rupert Lowe MP @RupertLowe10]

I want the world to hear what we heard.

[Mike @mikestones99]

Now at this time of year I wouldnt want to be considered churlish so here is me hoping Santa brings you some soap.
(Edit: not some, lots and lots and lots of soap)

[Mike @mikestones99]

Hallitosis is a gift that keeps on giving especially when you are continuously braying loudly into your mobile device.

[Mike @mikestones99]

Showering is different to being rained upon, it can be a refreshing and cleansing activity try it some time.

[Mike @mikestones99]

Deoderant is a common gift this time of year, but this does not mean what you will recieve tommorow is the only time you can get and/or use it, shops sell it all year around.

[Mike @mikestones99]

After experiencing public transport today some thoughts came to me.

Christmas comes but once a year, but please please please do not use this as a guideline for your bathing policy.

[Mike @mikestones99]

A limited form of time travel does exist

It is called waiting

[Mike @mikestones99]

@ShesDeluded Thumb exercise

[Mike @mikestones99]

@ShesDeluded Does this mean we aren't allowed to just sit around drooling while staring blankly into space at work now ?

[Mike @mikestones99]

Double cardio day

Gym first that was easy enough, but the hard one was after washing my bedding I had to get the quilts back inside their covers

[Mike @mikestones99]

Never say never

Well unless what you are trying to say needs the word never in the sentence for it to make sense, then you can say never

[Mike @mikestones99]

@ShesDeluded Just fill in the sign in sheet and go home you'll be fine

[Mike @mikestones99]

@ShesDeluded I dont even remember this pic being taken but it is obviously posed all stylish n stuff

[Mike @mikestones99]

The great about memes is they save you having to waste time thinking up your own banal statement

[Mike @mikestones99]

Wonder if these performance enhancing drugs will help with my karaoke ?

[Mike @mikestones99]

Sorry for those who wanted to see it but I couldn't take a selfie during my out of body experience

[Mike @mikestones99]

If home is where the heart is, why dosn't any of my furniture fit inside my chest ?

[Mike @mikestones99]

Great out in the snow this morning.......even better was following some brown tracks of someone who had trod in something stinky

[Mike @mikestones99]

Things to avoid 2016 : People who think saying see you next year on 31st December is funny