Chris Milnes

Head Green Keeper at Lowes Park Golf Club. MCFC season card holder. Let’s see what this is all about.

[Chris Milnes @milno73]

Every time 😂😂

[I❤️Nostalgia '𝕏' @Ilovenostalgia]

My favourite scene ever…..

[Chris Milnes @milno73]

@HarrisonAndy73 I’ll nip down the lido! 🏊‍♂️

[Chris Milnes @milno73]

Must be hot if I’m working in shorts! 😂🥵🥵🥵

[Chris Milnes @milno73]

Part 2 of the work on the 9th fairway. Now sand banded to help the water drain through the surface and reach the drains. An extra 40 tonnes of sand has been applied through the banding. Yet again great work and thanks to @BA_LTD ⛳️🏌️‍♂️@LowesParkGC

[Chris Milnes @milno73]

Hoping to help the drainage at the bottom of the 9th fairway by applying 40 tonnes of sand and then verti draining the area. @LowesParkGC @BA_LTD 🏌️‍♂️⛳️ Stage one

[Manchester City @ManCity]

The greatest to ever do it. Thank you, Pep 🩵

Pinch and zoom to catch every detail 🔎✨

[Chris Milnes @milno73]

Scarification of all fairways complete @LowesParkGC Thanks as always for a great job @BA_LTD ⛳️

[Chris Milnes @milno73]

Views in Prague from Pentrin Tower #Prague

[Max and Paddy Quotes @maxandpaddyline]

The greatest scene in TV history 📺

[Peter Mcgreevy @mcgreevy_peter]

New Greentek tractor mounted 300ltr sprayer @LowesParkGC
@milno73
@CTM_Pro

[Chris Milnes @milno73]

@mcgreevy_peter @LowesParkGC Cheers Pete 👍

[Chris Milnes @milno73]

Happy work anniversary to me! 30 years ago today someone took a risk and 30 years later still here and the boss man @LowesParkGC ⛳️

[Chris Milnes @milno73]

@Aus23680324Gary @LowesParkGC Needs to. Some sunshine 🌞 wouldn’t go amiss

[Chris Milnes @milno73]

@Aus23680324Gary @LowesParkGC Cheers Gary. Hope you’re keeping well?

[Chris Milnes @milno73]

@WG_RumblePants I went to the first texaco game at Old Trafford. What a team! 189 not out for Viv but the whole side brought unbelievable excitement! Happy days

[Chris Milnes @milno73]

First day of the season @LowesParkGC 🏌️‍♂️⛳️🥶

[Chris Milnes @milno73]

Golf season incoming ❄️🙄🏌️‍♂️⛳️

[A View From Yorkshire @models_by_Russ]

Dear Prime Minister & Home Secretary,

I hope this letter finds you well, fully caffeinated, and in possession of a calculator.

I’m writing with what I believe is a modest, fiscally responsible proposal. I understand the Government is offering up to £40,000 to certain individuals to voluntarily leave the United Kingdom. First of all — bold strategy. Nothing says “strong borders” quite like a cashback scheme.

Now, I regret to inform you that I am, in fact, a fully tax-paying, law-abiding British citizen. I know — awkward. I appreciate this may disqualify me from the premium exit package, but I’m willing to negotiate.

I would like to formally apply for £35,000 to leave.

You see, unlike some applicants, I haven’t broken any laws to get here. I didn’t arrive by dinghy. I didn’t require processing, housing, or legal appeals. I’ve actually been funding the whole operation through PAYE for years — which I believe makes me a loyal shareholder in this enterprise.

Given that you’re prepared to offer £40,000 for someone to depart voluntarily after entering illegally, I feel £35,000 for someone who’s been here legally all along represents excellent value for money. Think of it as a “Buy British, Get One Gone” discount.

For £35,000 I will:
   •   Leave quietly.
   •   Not require a press conference.
   •   Not demand a diversity officer to wave me off.
   •   Even carry my own suitcase to the airport.

I may also tweet a polite thank-you note on departure, praising the efficiency of the scheme.

Frankly, it feels like I’ve misunderstood how incentives work in modern Britain. All these years I thought obeying the law, paying taxes, and contributing to society were the winning strategy. Turns out the real pro-move is to arrive unlawfully and wait for a loyalty bonus.

Who knew?

While British families are juggling rent, energy bills, and the weekly food shop like contestants on a dystopian game show, it’s reassuring to know the Treasury has located a spare £40,000 per head for voluntary goodbyes.

May I ask — is there a points card? Ten years of National Insurance contributions and I get a free exit bonus? If so, I believe I’m overdue.

In the spirit of fairness and fiscal responsibility, I am not even asking for the full £40,000. I’m trimming £5,000 off to help balance the books. That’s the kind of responsible budgeting I was raised on.

If successful, I promise to:
   •   Leave via a scheduled flight (economy is fine).
   •   Not stage a protest on the runway.
   •   And refrain from re-entering on a small boat to see if I qualify twice.

All I ask is equal treatment. If departure is now a funded career pathway, I would very much like to submit my CV.

Yours in hopeful relocation,
A slightly confused taxpayer

[Chris Milnes @milno73]

@AnonGK100 I know what my answer would be 🤣