Michael Morgan

Writer. Improvisor. Sober Guy.

[Michael Morgan @mimoishere]

“Nathan Fielder’s ‘Pilot’s Code’ is David Lynch reborn. Giant cribs, puppets, and stilts, it’s surreal, hilarious, unhinged. Fielder is the new king of fever-dream TV. #TheRehearsal #DavidLynch

[Michael Morgan @mimoishere]

@elonmusk Proof that Elon Musk is a robot that makes click clack sounds as he jerks off to what I can only assume is robot porn.

[Michael Morgan @mimoishere]

@ramasilvaa @domthebomb Was it the shoes? I saw that too, but thought of it more of a shout out to the Alien franchise, which famously featured Adidas sneakers.

[Michael Morgan @mimoishere]

@iStayWinning711 @LaneyAustin @DonaldJTrumpJr How would you know? The killing of a CEO is an unprecedented event. Makes sense that the reactions would in turn be unprecedented. Other companies have taken down their leadership pages in response to the shooting. That is a pretty clear indicator that they are scared.

[Michael Morgan @mimoishere]

@iStayWinning711 @LaneyAustin @DonaldJTrumpJr Blue Cross and Blue Shield was planning to make people pay out of pocket for anesthesia, then this happened and they stopped pursuing it. Insurers are on notice.

[Michael Morgan @mimoishere]

SPOILER ALERT for #TheFlash

The Flash runs TOO FAST and his DICK FLIES OFF in the first act.

[Michael Morgan @mimoishere]

We all know this to be true: water fountains at @PlanetFitness use RECYCLED SWEAT.

[cinnamon bun @notsofiacoppola]

there should be a star wars character named sexual yoda

[Michael Morgan @mimoishere]

UFOs! Just give us our SPANKING and go HOME!

[Michael Morgan @mimoishere]

#AntMan’s suit is perfect! Too small. No space for mother in law! #ithinkyoushouldleave #itysl

[Michael Morgan @mimoishere]

#CocaineBear should be ARRESTED. Cocaine is ILLEGAL!

[Michael Morgan @mimoishere]

The Madalorian doesn’t take off his helmet because his skin care routine is SHIT and HE HAS ZITS. #Mandalorian

[Michael Morgan @mimoishere]

@JamesGunn @DCComics James Gunn! Will the villain be parasite played by Michael Rooker?

[Michael Morgan @mimoishere]

This just in! All the zombies from #LastOfUsHBO are FAKING IT so that they don’t have to go to school!

[Michael Morgan @mimoishere]

There is not a single video game character that showers, but they all be chasing princesses. Zelda… Peach… I am clean, get at me.

[Michael Morgan @mimoishere]

Just got done rolling a few years worth of loose change, and it turns out I am very very wealthy now.

[hannah @daylightlesbian]

so i’m watching the menu

[Michael Morgan @mimoishere]

@JamesGunn @frankquitely1 If Grant Morrison’s Batman influences the new DCU even in the slightest, I will be very happy. If there is some version of Batman shooting a god with a god killing bullet, making an exception to his very solemn vow, I will be in heaven.

[Emily Faye @mlefaye]

If the people in the miles-long royal corpse sightseeing line REALLY cared about the queen they would volunteer to be buried alive with her in her tomb

[Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien]

Right now the FBI is Googling how to get ketchup off sensitive documents.