All parents traumatize their children. People hurt people. We traumatize each other, sometimes unintentionally. The work isn't to be perfect, it's to apologize, to be humble, and to keep trying to do better.
That's how you create a healthy family.
The system is designed for control and productivity. Your nervous system is designed for play, rest, and the pursuit of meaning. Mental health issues are the end result of an evolutionary mismatch.
Babies are easy because when they are upset it is one of three easily verifiable things (hungry/tired/poopy).
Toddlers are hard because when they are upset it is because you disrupted some perceived esoteric order to the cosmos that is nearly inscrutable. Like “you can’t put the green crayon next to the purple crayon because banana goblins”