The defense mechanism that ended up hurting people...you know how disgusted I felt after knowing that? Knowing that the only way I KNOW to protect myself ended up hurting others.
I should've known better but...but why am I never allowed to be broken? Why am I never allowed to let myself be comforted by others? And it's not them who decides it. It's me. My own choice yet I don't know why I'm still here thinking if it's coming from me, why is it still hurts
Or they can look inside, try to work on it and then leave because it's taking too much of their space. Then, I'm forced to be okay because it's my choice to let them see it.
Knowing that God I'm trying so hard to fix the issue yet I'm still stucked on the same place because moving forward means that I need to show people what's inside me and giving that much power is scary. They can take a look inside and decide that I'm not worth it+