andrew (no balls)

i have got to get normaler

[andrew (no balls) @minyallgi]

Cursed Image

[andrew (no balls) @minyallgi]

no one roast me for only tweeting for the first time in like a year because i watched heated rivalry but best moment in the whole show was ilya’s face when shane said maybe he should stay in the car. not accepting any criticism at this time.

[andrew (no balls) @minyallgi]

update: he told our friend if she made me the coffee he would kill himself. psychological warfare on all sides.

[andrew (no balls) @minyallgi]

engaging in psychological warfare by telling my boyfriend explicitly to say no if i come to his work and tell him i want a coffee and then going to his work and insisting he give me coffee. or asking his coworker who is also my friend for a coffee.

[andrew (no balls) @minyallgi]

once when he was busy i offered to take orders, and i took one order, wrote it down very weirdly, and then stared at the pos system, told my boyfriend “i don’t know what to press” and then told the girl ordering “i don’t work here” and left

[andrew (no balls) @minyallgi]

my favorite thing about loitering behind the bar at the coffee shop my boyfriend manages and my friend works at is when i hustle into the storage room when anyone approaches the counter lest they think i work here and will serve them coffee

[andrew (no balls) @minyallgi]

inexplicably had the thought while getting dressed in sweats “well. it’s not like i have to look nice for the vet.” but i was getting ready to go to the doctor for myself

[andrew (no balls) @minyallgi]

hopes for a future death blart: they do the here comes the boom bit again but the producer tells everyone (including or not including justin, either is equally funny) that they’re the one watching here comes the boom and none of them watch paul
blart mall cop 2 and all try to lie

[andrew (no balls) @minyallgi]

2nd dinner is when as soon as my boyfriend leaves for the night i eat two pickles and some cold leftover pasta straight out of the tupperware and 17 pieces of halloween candy

[andrew (no balls) @minyallgi]

the update to connections that shows a little “good attempt today” when i get it wrong is my 13th reason

[andrew (no balls) @minyallgi]

@kaitholomew @imavampirebtw i literally in the car this morning told kai i get sad when i drive past the best western because you’re not there anymore 😭

[andrew (no balls) @minyallgi]

tfb come back to alabama challenge

[andrew (no balls) @minyallgi]

i am watching the x files for the first time and i have so many opinions

[andrew (no balls) @minyallgi]

for the record i dont think this is good or healthy or impressive but when you have 20 hrs of work to complete in 7 hr you do what you have to do (capitalism is a waking nightmare)

[andrew (no balls) @minyallgi]

i told a coworker “i had a celsius for breakfast” and the look she gave me. girl when i was in college i wouldve gotten a standing ovation

[andrew (no balls) @minyallgi]

songs that always hit
1. dashboard - modest mouse
2. here it goes again - ok go
3. handlebars - flobots
4.

[andrew (no balls) @minyallgi]

i think it is time for me to finally watch the x files

[andrew (no balls) @minyallgi]

my body is a temple and i’m gonna put 3 slim jims in it before 8 am

[andrew (no balls) @minyallgi]

me, 250 miles from my house (that i left at 4 am) after not using the oven once in the past month: did i leave the oven on?

[andrew (no balls) @minyallgi]

songs that i think would make kai tuck and roll straight out of the car if i put them on the aux: ska cover of buddy holly by weezer

[andrew (no balls) @minyallgi]

owning an electric razor is really the ultimate test of my impulse control. i am at all times three seconds away from shaving my head