Mira F °

selector + heartbreak doula @heartbrkhotline. Devout witness to all the teeny-tiny things. Irritatingly earnest, insidiously spreading unconditional love. (Hi.)

[Mira F ° @mirafahrenheit]

@hexstellation 🥰✨

[Mira F ° @mirafahrenheit]

@An0rexik The safety of a partner who gives you endless support and love while pursuing something exciting and new, but uncertain. Having both is ideal (for certain personalities).

[Mira F ° @mirafahrenheit]

Ever > often
Felt like > knew

A recent relationship taught me this:

1) There really are people in this world who know all the therapy speak, know how to read your feelings and tell you the things you want to hear, occasionally do things that make you feel good, and even show up with some degree of consistency - BUT who do it entirely to take advantage of your capacity for unconditional love and support, something they’ll never be able to return (yes, even when they say they want to). THIS EXISTS.

2) Protecting myself in the future means tracking longer-term patterns of behavior, and noting how consistently a new person can show up with the kind of support I want in a relationship vs how much needs to be asked for (and when provided, is done so defensively or reluctantly or half-assedly).

3) Trusting my nervous system is number 1. If my body is telling me to be wary, even when they are being affectionate and saying they care about my feelings, take some space to lean into those feelings and figure out what I need to stabilize. The truth is, I may think this person is saying and doing all the right things — but are they? Or is my autonomic nervous system in a chronically heightened state, mitigated only by the dopamine hit from their touch?

4) His violation of trust and boundaries are not my fault. I know this clearly. HOWEVER, taking preventative measures against this in the future means trusting myself and honoring my boundaries first and foremost. Takers will take at the first opportunity, and whatever leeway you give will set the new rules of engagement.

I’ll never abandon myself that way again. Love to anyone who’s had similar experiences. (And please feel free to link me to your substack. ❤️)

[valentine @valawakened]

staying close w people long distance really is about the mundane stuff. i get texts like "made egg toast" "spilled coffee all over my desk:("
"lady on the metro has not one not two but three tiny dogs in her purse" and its like wow. i love you more than words can express

[Mira F ° @mirafahrenheit]

@ThebookishC Shambhala Sacred Path of the Warrior

[Mira F ° @mirafahrenheit]

@ThebookishC @tega_ebi Sorry, “enjoyed” feels strong for this one

[Mira F ° @mirafahrenheit]

Reading this over feels really uncomfortable but there’s actually nothing off here.

In fact, it’s truer than ever and I’m even noticing fresh amazement at the actual amount of healing and integration I’ve done in the past two weeks.

[Mira F ° @mirafahrenheit]

Being me feels absolutely amazing. I heal and synthesize fresh lessons at lightning speed, and fight tooth-and-nail (with great alacrity) to retain my softness.

When hurt, I find myself nestled within a blissful bounty of richly attentive kindness, support, and affection, and bathe in the salient wisdom of my sacred loved ones as they urge me (not gently) to witness my own infinite depth and power, and to reclaim my brilliant whimsy.

[Mira F ° @mirafahrenheit]

This makes me think finding your people is about properly defining and staying attuned to your North Star. The breakdown you’re describing is the cost of a loosely- or poorly-defined North Star (or one that changes over time, unnoticed or unspoken-to).

And of course, this happens in the context of individual relationships too, but 1:1 is less complex than any greater denomination of grouping.

Separately, I’d just love to see a lot more organizational experiments rooted explicitly in kindness. Also a music scene with kindness somehow embedded in its structural elements. That would be cool, and doesn’t seem completely undoable.

[Mira F ° @mirafahrenheit]

One more request:

I need suggestions for absolute goofballs to follow. Good-natured weirdo goofballs.

Gimme em all, please and thank you ✨

[Mira F ° @mirafahrenheit]

@mossyrainforest Sounds simplistic, but true love (deep caring, compassion, attentiveness, open curiosity) is the way, in my experience.

There’s no shame in being a bit naive about people. The key is to expect goodness while staying attuned to yourself for protection.

[Mira F ° @mirafahrenheit]

For reference, the 4 elements of true love: https://t.co/YRksF6ViLO

[Mira F ° @mirafahrenheit]

PLEASE HELP:

Looking ONLY for honest, earnest, direct arguments in favor of unconditional (true) love.

Never questioned it til now but could use some support holding faith.

[Mira F ° @mirafahrenheit]

Should I feel:

1) sorry that, in the end, my friends’ caution about the relationship was proven warranted

OR

2) glad that for a time, I had them (and myself) convinced to believe in true love?

[Mira F ° @mirafahrenheit]

@meadandjuniper Ooh have you seen It’s A Wonderful Life? So good for that

[Aggresario @aggresari0]

@eatnik Metacognition, a double edged sword

[Mira F ° @mirafahrenheit]

In the aftermath of a severely damaging relationship, I’ve had to learn to process not just the anger and pain about how my former partner treated me, but deeply examine my role in what happened.

For example, a partner who acknowledges their wrongdoing but doesn’t change their behavior is the flip-side of my acceptance of their affection and apparent self-awareness as a substitute for concrete action or intention.

Residual fear exists from the the pain of my past experience, but self-knowledge and taking accountability for never putting myself in a position to abandon myself again has made me more confident that I can love (myself and someone else) far better the next time around.

[Mira F ° @mirafahrenheit]

@Fimiye It’s hard to imagine what taking a breakup well means to be honest.

[Mira F ° @mirafahrenheit]

Overriding my own signals because I was afraid of being seen as “too sensitive” has brought me more grief than I ever got from attending to them, even if I didn’t know it at the time.

I’ll never abandon myself that way again.

[🦢 @its_meeruy4]

no one is overreacting. we all have different levels of sensitivity.. if it hurts, it hurts. no explanation needed..
Hurt is still valid.

[Mira F ° @mirafahrenheit]

@louiswaincat I appreciate your presence, but understand and in many ways feel the same way. It doesn’t feel good being here most of the time.