Miranda Menard

Engineer ⚙️ Cancer Survivor 🦋 Louisianan turned Texan ⚜️🤠

[Miranda Menard @miranda_gioia]

@taylorgioia_ Michael can hook you up next weekend 🤪

[Miranda Menard @miranda_gioia]

@1JoeyHarvey @McDonalds One time I found a pocket knife in the play area of a McDonald’s. My dad let me keep it. Easily the best day in 8 year old Miranda’s life.

[Miranda Menard @miranda_gioia]

@MurderSmall I just felt like y’all needed to know about this after one heck of an episode in Wisconsin. https://t.co/rqlbqQaUjf

[Miranda Menard @miranda_gioia]

@taylorgioia_ It’s actually the worst 😅

[Miranda Menard @miranda_gioia]

@taylorgioia_ 2 am, 11 year old Miranda: “Uncle Timmy, idk whats wrong with her but she won’t stop crying.” *sets you down on bed and runs away*

Ahhh, good times 😅

[Miranda Menard @miranda_gioia]

@taylorgioia_ It’s the heart on his head for me. 😍

[Miranda Menard @miranda_gioia]

Dad: “Oh look at that truck. Miranda’s landscaping. That’s the most bullshit thing I’ve ever seen bc you know Miranda ain’t doing no landscaping.”
Husband: “I was about to say that’s the most ironic thing I’ve ever seen.”

They’re not wrong. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Miranda Menard @miranda_gioia]

Can someone please tell me the evolutionary purpose insanely fast growing fingernails has for a baby??

[Miranda Menard @miranda_gioia]

My mom deals with prescriptions for my maw maw:
Mom: Birthday is 10/8/28.
CVS: ….. 58?
Mom: 28. Two, eight. (Holds up 2 fingers).
CVS: ……
Mom: This is the second time y’all have questioned me on this. Do y’all not think people can live this long?!

[Miranda Menard @miranda_gioia]

What do people talk to their babies about? We’ve already gone over the water cycle and how gears work. Now I’m explaining poaching and the endangerment/extinction of rhinoceroses. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Miranda Menard @miranda_gioia]

@taylorgioia_ Watch Mindhunter! It’s based on the FBI agent who started the BAU in real life!

[Miranda Menard @miranda_gioia]

@taylorgioia_ Do itttttt

[Miranda Menard @miranda_gioia]

The only time baby cries is when I make him stop eating to burp before giving him more. And that’s how I know he’s my child.

[Miranda Menard @miranda_gioia]

This couple on HGTV actually asked if they could just keep the asbestos tile and and lay new floors on top of it... 😳

[Miranda Menard @miranda_gioia]

Does anyone else explain the water cycle to their newborn every time it rains? Or is that just me? #WomenInSTEM

[Miranda Menard @miranda_gioia]

My son’s name: Wyatt
What we call him: Mr. Potato Head, Mr. Bobble Head, Scooter, Baby Hercules, Baby Herc, Sweet Potato, Grunty

[Miranda Menard @miranda_gioia]

@TheBullHouston I’ve won @codyjohnson tickets and BBQ cook off tickets for @joshabbottband and Jordan Davis! Ended up having to miss the BBQ cook off bc I had to go offshore for work. 😭

[Miranda Menard @miranda_gioia]

“I knew they would talk about Mud Fest! But proud to say I have never attended.” Husband listening to Dry Prong episode of @MurderSmall (He has a hunting camp near Dry Prong).

[Miranda Menard @miranda_gioia]

I never thought I’d be so happy about 5.5 hours of straight sleep. Shoutout to my 5 week old for making that happen. 🙌🏼

[Miranda Menard @miranda_gioia]

@taylorgioia_ Phoebe agrees