mir

completely convinced we’re in a simulation

[mir @mirdistheword]

I’m at the age where All Star by Smash Mouth doesn’t even remind me of Shrek anymore it just reminds me that the years start coming and they don’t stop fucking coming

[mir @mirdistheword]

Once more, with feeling!

[mir @mirdistheword]

You know what small town shit I fucking love? People flashing their lights at you to tell you a cop is up ahead 🙂‍↕️

[mir @mirdistheword]

Walking Asher this morning and an elderly couple was passing me so I made him lay down and the old man said “well trained!”

Buddy you couldn’t be more wrong but ima let you think that

[mir @mirdistheword]

I know I’m getting old bc I just saw a kid on a scooter and immediately thought “why tf aren’t you in school?”

[mir @mirdistheword]

I didn’t think TSWGUIW would have as big of a chokehold on me as Tantrums did but here I am still listening to it beginning to end every day.. @xanaofficial_

[mir @mirdistheword]

@xanaofficial_ Drop your whole birth chart pls 👀

[mir @mirdistheword]

Danger’s a slut, it’s in my gut, at night it whispers to me

[mir @mirdistheword]

Went to get a protein shake and they were out of everything I like so after getting something else the girl went to initial my punchcard and 3 different pens wouldn’t work and she said “something will go right, I refuse to go out like this”

That’s the quote of the day

[mir @mirdistheword]

“I mean you might leave the doctors office with like 5 new prescriptions but that’s America”

[mir @mirdistheword]

Awhile back I saw something that said “heteros are really in their flop era” and it was so true and funny I think ab it every day

[mir @mirdistheword]

I keep having weird uncomfortable dreams that have me waking up in a pool of sweat but then I immediately can’t remember the dream.
I just know they’re.. strange and unsettling

[mir @mirdistheword]

Apparently my body decided that my new sleep schedule is 11pm-4am and I’m not a fan of this 😵‍💫

[mir @mirdistheword]

In the last 3 months I’ve hit myself in the head w doors so many times
I’m now rocking yet another forehead bruise what is wrong with my depth perception??

[mir @mirdistheword]

My dog: *has hiccups*

Me “you’re so fucking dramatic”

[mousey ᘛ⁠⁐̤⁠ᕐ⁠ᐷ @HIBlSCUS]

the devil and god are scissoring inside me

[mir @mirdistheword]

The best part about being gay is that straight women complain about men a lottttt and I get to be like “idk that life”

[mir @mirdistheword]

I’ve decided that in 2024 all of my ig captions will be my fav lyrics from Taylor’s evermore album

[mir @mirdistheword]

Why do I feel like things just got really intimate w Frederick from T-Mobile LMAO

[mir @mirdistheword]

@xanaofficial_ You are a little one too lol

[mir @mirdistheword]

Just thinking about how I (accidentally) elbowed a short man right in the chest last weekend in a restaurant

To be fair he was obviously in my bubble