Melissa Schmidt

Culinary l Music l Film l BBC America l YouTube l People Watching l

[Melissa Schmidt @missy1130]

Pretty sure I just let some stranger give my dog a chocolate chip cookie... #catladies

[Melissa Schmidt @missy1130]

There has to be someone in Ephrata,PA who I have something in common with...Bella's getting tired of me taking up her bed on weekends

[Melissa Schmidt @missy1130]

Today my boyfriend noticed and removed my first tick from my underboob within 7 seconds flat.
I don't know if I've ever loved him more...

[Melissa Schmidt @missy1130]

The largest truck convoy in America (or something like that) is going on about 50 ft from my house and i... couldn't give two fucks.

[Melissa Schmidt @missy1130]

Dying to smoke a few joints and get breakfast food with someone I can connect to.

[Heedy @HeedyNshittt]

I'm from NY where the people see something and don't say something 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[A T @aydreeahnah]

Judge someone's driving solely by how quickly they can merge onto the freeway

[Melissa Schmidt @missy1130]

Coworker: "I think people's conversations are so interesting"

Me: "I think they're all full of shit"

#peopleperson #perspective

[Melissa Schmidt @missy1130]

I deadass almost spent my night talking to another human being, & then I saw that @marcmaron season 4 is out on Netflix.
Bye, World.
#Maron

[Melissa Schmidt @missy1130]

Real life's been smacking me in the face from all angles lately...

[Melissa Schmidt @missy1130]

What people want to get me for xmas: Nothing
What I want: Weed

[Melissa Schmidt @missy1130]

If anyone has a BUD in Lancaster please let me know!
#imnewhere #needbud
😫

[Melissa Schmidt @missy1130]

Making mental notes of shit I'd like to burn this election season should I hit a mental collapse and purge.
😈👻☠️🔥

[Melissa Schmidt @missy1130]

"I just have to poop, and you guys are stressing me out!"
#howtogetpeopletositdown

[Melissa Schmidt @missy1130]

It's my second to last day at this job and oh my god I can't wait to leave.

[Melissa Schmidt @missy1130]

Wow! I'm up to season 6 of Criminal Minds. #justwow #fantastic #CriminalMinds

[Melissa Schmidt @missy1130]

Also to all the future parents who as children didn't have to go to "the after school program", they're awful. They're allll awful. #allofem

[Melissa Schmidt @missy1130]

See, the children are great! It's the adults that are just...they're all assholes. #lifeofababysitter

[Melissa Schmidt @missy1130]

Wearing a red Coca-Cola hat to work today and everyone thought I was wearing a "Make America Great Again" cap for the first 5 hours. 🍆

[Melissa Schmidt @missy1130]

Cos low-key it's us in 30 years...
Can't wait <3 https://t.co/OWOIlvTDRB

[cornfed girl @nuggetzdepoulet]

why are 50 yr old white women who work in retail so volatile??