I cannot explain to you the fundamentals of physics, or chemistry, or biology.
My memory for names, dates, and details is so bad I’d be the worst witness at a trial.
Following mathematical proofs exhausts me.
My wit is plodding; I can’t think on my feet.
I use 100 lines when one would do, because the right words elude me.
My mind jumps around like a cricket, unable to enjoy the perfectly good leaf it’s on.
I rarely have conviction. When I do, it's only a matter of time before I'm proven wrong.
Multi-tasking feels like an arcane skill.
I have every intent to follow up on all my texts and messages but rarely do.
With kids, I lecture too much and listen too little.
With adults, I listen too much and contribute too little.
My prediction algorithm is eroding.
My taste is out of date.
My judgment is continually upended.
And yet the world keeps spinning, glittering in its marvels.
I feed 80 street dogs every morning in Thailand and while they are all grateful one dog goes above and beyond in her appreciation.
Her name is Snickers and every single day without fail she brings me a gift… (1/8) 🧵
Why does Anna, as the older woman, get upset when she hears about his thing of flirting with older women? Why do romcoms fall into that mold of making characters angsty/insecure about a lover's past? Cant they be just be like oh I dont careee, I just want you for your bodiodiodi
Someone from @piersmorgan's staff asked if I would like to come onto Pier's show, Piers Morgan Uncensored, to talk about the state of his attire. Since he invited feedback, I thought I'd do a thread comparing his style to menswear icon Kermit the Frog. 🧵
one thing about azealia that's unlike most people on the internet, she sits down and THINKS before typing and you can tell. maybe it's hate or jealousy but she always comes with a unique POV and you can't deny her points. an actual culture critic
Do you keep alka seltzer in your wallet in case of an unplanned hangover but you end up using it because you had to sleep on an uncomfy hotel bed with a way too soft pillow and you went a bit overboard on local delicacies? Yup thats my type of hangover now
Daughter asked me to try a recipe but said recipe calls for rice being cooked in a non-ricecooker way without a wash + rinse and the asian in me violently objects so now she is disgruntedly eating pasta bolognese