Mitchell Five Thousand

[Mitchell Five Thousand @mitchell_5000]

Send this to your navy veteran grandfather to give him an orgasm induced heart attack

[Mitchell Five Thousand @mitchell_5000]

*in a very wise tone* they say the best candle is a delicious soup

[Mitchell Five Thousand @mitchell_5000]

When your mom travels provinces to see you you’re allowed to play as many lil Wayne songs you want because she doesn’t mind, she’s just happy to see you

[Mitchell Five Thousand @mitchell_5000]

Mfw it’s over

[Mitchell Five Thousand @mitchell_5000]

My soul has been touched by the beauty of nature I fear!

[Mitchell Five Thousand @mitchell_5000]

Every interest is special. Just my 2 cents

[Mitchell Five Thousand @mitchell_5000]

Guys will wake up at 6 to ride their bike once and suddenly their life makes sense

[Mitchell Five Thousand @mitchell_5000]

@truck_nuts420 Been there

[Mitchell Five Thousand @mitchell_5000]

Beautiful Dartmouth, Nova Scotia? Nope, that’s Longueuil. Nice to know that a city as deprived as Montreal is so close to a place that represents what it truly means to be a Canadian.

[Mitchell Five Thousand @mitchell_5000]

Toronto Shorties BeLike low key I’m marved for attention rn Let me get man’s vexed so he notice me

[Mitchell Five Thousand @mitchell_5000]

For the best, of course. Just an observation

[Mitchell Five Thousand @mitchell_5000]

Hard times to be a pedophile, with all the personal recording equipment and all

[Mitchell Five Thousand @mitchell_5000]

I’m stuck in a loop where everyday I forget TikTok exists until about 7pm when I think “damn I wish there was something to do on my phone” when a lightbulb goes off and I proceed to scroll until 11

[Mitchell Five Thousand @mitchell_5000]

Celebrating 50 years of hip hop by rapping at my wife

[Mitchell Five Thousand @mitchell_5000]

Spotify should add a music editing feature so you can cut out kid cudi features

[Mitchell Five Thousand @mitchell_5000]

My cat she loves to play

[willy 🌜💧 @willystaley]

“Favorite bit of history” was the wrong call here, should have gone with “I can’t stop thinking about…” There’s all sorts of cool stuff in history. The Aztecs, for example. I could go on