Mitchell Jensen

Grape guy

[levent @__alpoge__]

hello there the jacobian conjecture is false thanx to my close friend akhil for asking about it and my other close friend fable for working during the world cup final

((1+xy)^3 z + y^2 (1+xy) (4+3xy), y + 3 x (1+xy)^2 z + 3 x y^2 (4+3xy), 2 x - 3 x^2 y - x^3 z): \C^3\to \C^3, has jacobian determinant -2, and sends (0, 0, -1/4), (1, -3/2, 13/2), and (-1, 3/2, 13/2) to (-1/4, 0, 0)

[josh (oldfriend99) @oldfriend99]

Something don don me the other day

[New town every hour (ret.) @TownsUsa]

world cup announcer just said "the English have struggled historically here in Massachusetts" lol

[Joe @JoePostingg]

Printers never work because they are an affront to God. Man was not meant to pull objects from the digital realm into the real world. Icarus is flying too close to the sun.

[Smitty WerbenJagerManJensen @ogivanooze]

Private equity ass beer lineup

[USA Reject @sadreturns]

what was the point of storing it at an angle

[TABBY @verypalehipster]

My team looks like Casa Amor bro 😭😭

[NOBUNAGA🇯🇵🏯_夏樹蒼依 @japan_nobunaga]

A hot dog stand in Chicago. I reached for the ketchup.

The man behind the counter said one word. "No."

I froze. I understood. I had nearly broken a sacred law.

His name was Sal. He held a mustard bottle in each hand and had the calm of a man who has turned away kings. He told me the dog already had mustard, relish, onion, tomato, a pickle, peppers, and celery salt. He told me it was "dragged through the garden." He told me ketchup would never touch it.

I bowed. I had been shown the code.

I asked Sal who decreed this law. He shrugged. "That's just how it is here." A law so old its author is forgotten. The strongest kind.

Then a man two stools down asked for ketchup for his child. Sal allowed it. "Eight and under," he said.

So the law holds one mercy. Below eight winters, a child is innocent. At eight, he becomes responsible for his own honor. I found this more beautiful than anything in my own country.

I have not put ketchup on anything since.

Not on eggs. Not on rice. A vow does not check what is on the plate.

I flew home. At a stand in my own city, a boy reached for the red bottle. I caught his wrist. "You are over eight," I said. He did not know what I meant. His mother was upset. I tried to explain the garden. I tried to explain Sal.

I am now asked not to return to that stand.

I have appointed myself guardian of a law from a city I visited once, for a single afternoon.

So tell me, America.

Who forbade the red sauce on the sausage, and in what year?

And if no one remembers, who am I now serving?

[✰ @juicenotthekid_]

beavers are so funny why are you a little rat doing hydraulic engineering

[vic @CountOnVic]

I love this dumbass shit so much lmaooo

[Paul Muad’Dib @trygraptor]

no it’s okay sir i know this 70mm showtime of The Odyssey is sold out, i just have to deliver this very large horse-shaped package to someone inside

[Fade 🫩 @fadecorner]

January Dart 6 is CRAZY

[Zohran Kwame Mamdani @ZohranKMamdani]

we both up now

[arshia @arshia__]

it's such small brain energy to ask me which team i'm rooting for.......i'm rooting for the game of basketball. i'm rooting for beauty and drama and for wemby to elbow sga in the neck

[Interesting things @awkwardgoogle]

New service dogs sitting through an entire musical in order to pass their program

[Burger @stinking_man]

Nobody is doing it like him. The Burger King cup, the Christmas tree in may, fries from a different fast food place. Truly horrible photo

[Nick Perkins @NickyPerks]

If Bron pulls this off, we not gonna be talking
Jordan vs LeBron debate anymore

It’ll be Jesus vs LeBron, and it’ll be closer than a lot of yall would like to admit

[bac @JALENMILROESZN]

Giving Mike Macdonald Myles Garrett

[Hoops @Hoopss]

A group of ducks witnessed the meteor that fell in Portugal