no one person holds my longterm interest i just get bored with anyone i like communicating with people i love company and i can even call myself an extrovert but i dont have genuine feelings for anyone i can be attracted to someone for a while but i cant stay with anyone for long
i dont like people im not a nihilist or a misanthrope or whatever its just that no matter how hard i try to convince myself that i like someone i FUNDAMENTALLY dont like anyone not because theyre bad but because i simply cant love
if im honest even him spitting in my face felt almost nice . at least in that moment i could see his smile as he looked at me. and could i really have ever wanted anything more ?
i genuinely feel like i could say whatever i want to old people and they wouldnt understand shit . like i could literally show some oldguy porn on my phone and he wouldnt even realize what he was looking at. for some reason my brain just cant process that theyre actual people too