MasturbationJenkins

A murderous hobo who thinks we can do a whole lot better. Constantly running for any public office up for grabs.

[MasturbationJenkins @mj4pres]

Time to come clean.

I killed Nicole Brown Simpson.

[MasturbationJenkins @mj4pres]

Just ass fucked a dead person, lol

[MasturbationJenkins @mj4pres]

@Muschal_ @bigten Quit making me hungry!

[MasturbationJenkins @mj4pres]

@BrodyFStanford @JoeFernandez84 Great! It pays $7 a week and a bag of peanuts (these are 1920’s hobo prices)

[MasturbationJenkins @mj4pres]

@BrodyFStanford Lol, this statistic is the basis for me in @JoeFernandez84 ‘s stand up bit

[MasturbationJenkins @mj4pres]

@Muschal_ Same thing with group sex. Especially if it’s with your parents and a drifter named Otis.

It’s like, uh, group sex with my parents and a guy who just tested positive for hepatitis C? Yes please! (I got that from Austin Powers)

[MasturbationJenkins @mj4pres]

@MayorOfFartTown

[MasturbationJenkins @mj4pres]

Now that Rush Limbaugh is dead, it’s time for a LIBERAL conspiracy theory radio show. I submit Monday Morning Masturbation with Masturbation Jenkins to fill that void.

#rushlimbaugh #rush #politics #conspiracy #comedy #comedyvideos #america

[MasturbationJenkins @mj4pres]

There’s only one account I respond to now that Trump is banned. And it’s @Muschal_ . Cause they have so much in common.

[MasturbationJenkins @mj4pres]

@Muschal_ Speak for yourself. I’m hittin up the cemetery in about an hour.

[MasturbationJenkins @mj4pres]

@Muschal_ Well today he just got his ass kissed...by me...tee-hee...boop-boop-be-do.

[MasturbationJenkins @mj4pres]

If I may ever so briefly jump back into the fray here and comment on the GameStop, Robinhood, hedge fund fiasco, (ahem) I’ve been eating my poop and cum for years and this is what you assholes do with money?!

SOMEONE BUY ME A PHILLY CHEESESTEAK ALREADY!

[MasturbationJenkins @mj4pres]

@Muschal_ I ride trains, not trucks.

Also lol that it wakes you up briefly but continues to let you drive groggy as if that’s safe.

I eat poop and I think this is a bad idea

[MasturbationJenkins @mj4pres]

MasterCard is terminating its relationship Pornhub.

Doesn’t affect me cause I jack off to war memories but just tossin’ it out there for my constituents.

[MasturbationJenkins @mj4pres]

@realDonaldTrump Jiz-Cum & Porridge!!!!

Which is my new children’s book available on @amazon

[MasturbationJenkins @mj4pres]

@realDonaldTrump And how can you scrape paint off a horse’s asshole after you let it dry there?

I’m assuming this thread is all for “How can” questions.

[MasturbationJenkins @mj4pres]

@realDonaldTrump I will be INTRAVENOUSING Mountain Dew and Cum in Texas (plus many other states.)

Check my box car tour dates for “This Is The Big One: Masturbation Jenkins unplugged, then plugged full of Mountain Dew and cum!”

Our country needs a victory!

[MasturbationJenkins @mj4pres]

@Muschal_ I have one that says “No Jean, No Money” on the small of my back cause the people that ass fuck me love that scene from Fargo where Steve Buscemi shoots Wade Gustafson

[MasturbationJenkins @mj4pres]

@IngrahamAngle Mask what you can do for Jim Carrey or that kid with the fucked up face from that one movie with Cher that I can’t remember the name of

[MasturbationJenkins @mj4pres]

@SycophantHaskel @realDonaldTrump I think we’re not gonna see eye to eye on this since you’re a real person and I’m a fictional character.

The same reason things didn’t work out with my husband I murdered. No evidence there so the courts can fuck off 😝