Michael Forrest

Not as ashamed as I sometimes should be.

[Michael Forrest @mjforrest_]

@Dominos_AU It would seem the only thing delivered on time is disappointment.
Come on @PizzaHutAU let’s get out of here..

[Michael Forrest @mjforrest_]

@Dominos_AU get a load of this.
I always hit the $3 “Deliver in 20 minute” button because your incompetence pretty much guarentees me a free pizza voucher. Sweet.
EXCEPT WHEN YOU GO TO USE IT, YOUR ORDER DOESN’T REACH THE MINIMUM COST REQUIRED FOR DELIVERY.
Sort your shit out.

[Michael Forrest @mjforrest_]

@PizzaHutAU can you believe this shit? I say you, me and @eagleboys_pizza should make a pact to never betray a close friends trust the same way @Dominos_AU has

[Michael Forrest @mjforrest_]

@Dominos_AU Why you do me like this?! This country is turning to shit.

[Michael Forrest @mjforrest_]

@PaddyNaughtin Looks fucking rad bro!

[Michael Forrest @mjforrest_]

When farts sound like they ended with a question mark

[Michael Forrest @mjforrest_]

@DoctorKarl how come when you pour hot water over fresh gold leaf signage on glass it goes even shiner?

[Michael Forrest @mjforrest_]

Jim Carey’s transition into Charlie Manson is almost complete.

[Michael Forrest @mjforrest_]

Little pictures of dogs and shellfish on toilet paper... why

[Michael Forrest @mjforrest_]

Judith Lucy is like someone put lipstick on an ashtray that isn’t funny.

[Michael Forrest @mjforrest_]

@TheBachelorAU @joelcreasey @tomgleeson

[Michael Forrest @mjforrest_]

TFW you're doing poops and feel like you're a human tube of toothpaste that's almost run out.

[Michael Forrest @mjforrest_]

@mattokine STG makes me all excited to cook shit, but I don't. I just end up getting all enthused about eating and end up jerkin it over 🍗 😔

[Michael Forrest @mjforrest_]

Who the fuck decided that chopsticks are for noodles and forks are for pasta?? They're pretty much the same thing!

[Michael Forrest @mjforrest_]

Sit down to watch @masterchefau and there's just a bunch of cunts trying to make dirt.

[Michael Forrest @mjforrest_]

I wanna see @paulruddcom get real fat and sweaty and play Ron Jeremy in a biopic. The role of a life time!

[Michael Forrest @mjforrest_]

Never in a million years did I think I would be inspired by an ad for @Officeworks . Well played @Officeworks

[Michael Forrest @mjforrest_]

@triplej @PaulDempsey Thankyou. Thankyou for the best morning. Holy shit, my penis weeps.

[Michael Forrest @mjforrest_]

@IanThorpe "Bullied" is not only an incredible series, but I think it truly galvanises you as one of Aus' greatest role models. Thankyou.

[Michael Forrest @mjforrest_]

Fuck me! @GlassAnimals like a version today on @triplej is one of the BEST EVER