✨sparkleclarkle✨

People always confuse me for other people, but I'm not.

[✨sparkleclarkle✨ @MJordonClark]

DQ, always there to keep me on track with my double cheese burger diet.

[✨sparkleclarkle✨ @MJordonClark]

So old and deaf I can’t even eavesdrop at the bar anymore.

[✨sparkleclarkle✨ @MJordonClark]

What drugs were they taking in 1100? Hook me up.

[The Culturist @the_culturist_]

What did Jesus of Nazareth look like?

The 6th century Christ Pantocrator is the most recognized image of Jesus — but what about before then?

Well, that's where things get weird... (thread) 🧵

[✨sparkleclarkle✨ @MJordonClark]

Tfw you clip your nails too short. 😎

[✨sparkleclarkle✨ @MJordonClark]

@jamiemariea Sorry.

[✨sparkleclarkle✨ @MJordonClark]

99 bottles of beer on the wall.

[𝗱𝗮𝗻𝗻𝘆🫧💚 @beyoncegarden]

beyoncé agrees to perform ONE song at your birthday party. what song would you choose😭?

[✨sparkleclarkle✨ @MJordonClark]

Modern music desperately needs to bring back 80s sax.

[✨sparkleclarkle✨ @MJordonClark]

I recommend Butt Drugs for everybody.

[✨sparkleclarkle✨ @MJordonClark]

Nothing warms the heart more than someone genuinely enjoying the fuck out of their objectively bad Halloween costume.

[✨sparkleclarkle✨ @MJordonClark]

Turns out you can’t just walk into rhythm on the polka dance floor. #TwoLeftFeet

[✨sparkleclarkle✨ @MJordonClark]

At what point do I just accept that I myself am an old people.

[✨sparkleclarkle✨ @MJordonClark]

Guess who’s going to Polka Fest at Danceland tomorrow? A bunch of old people. And me. That’s who.

[✨sparkleclarkle✨ @MJordonClark]

So far Toronto has been pretty great. Been here a few hours and already getting drunk in the cutest little park with some lovely people. #newpals

[✨sparkleclarkle✨ @MJordonClark]

Middle of watching a cute Polish donkey movie and the power had to go out.

[✨sparkleclarkle✨ @MJordonClark]

@theleanover I’ve been here for an hour, I don’t see you?

[✨sparkleclarkle✨ @MJordonClark]

Lizzo just making sure her dance crew is getting enough potassium.

[✨sparkleclarkle✨ @MJordonClark]

Twice in 3 days I have now locked my keys in the vehicle. Had previously gone my whole life without doing that. And it’s been a long life! Just ask all the strangers who keep calling me grandpa.

[✨sparkleclarkle✨ @MJordonClark]

Taste buds are my best buds.

[✨sparkleclarkle✨ @MJordonClark]

Decided I’m going on a diet for the rest of the month.

[✨sparkleclarkle✨ @MJordonClark]

Can��t decide if leaving me alone in the office the day before a long weekend when there’s a freezer full of ice cream sandwiches was the right or wrong move. I’m currently on number 3.