maggie

loose lips sink ships

[ellie schnitt @holy_schnitt]

something america actually gets right is our commitment to air conditioning and ice cubes in drinks. like yeah healthcare would be nice but my god, room temperature water is an abomination

[Ryan Broderick @broderick]

I’m genuinely getting very worried that there are actually like a lot of people walking around drinking virgin jungle juice all day and it’s beginning to make me feel completely insane. Where did this start? Who is patient zero? Why is this happening?

[Ruth Madievsky @ruthmadievsky]

mentally I’m vibing with the lobotomized butter lambs

[serpent @serpentwithfeet]

kombucha… champagne… sparkling water are special. i love a drink that bites me back

[Tom Zohar @TomZohar]

We all know this is what she SHOULD’VE won the Oscar for

[michaela okland @MichaelaOkla]

Being so sleepy is an invisible illness an unseen curse

[Jenni @hashjenni]

how i fix my problems:

[Bernie Sanders @BernieSanders]

All teachers in this country should be paid at least $60,000.

[eat soup @jasminericegirl]

venmo a woman $100 today

[lil piss baby @11kmrn]

want my brain cleaned like those rugs on tiktok

[natasha lyonne @nlyonne]

Why can’t someone invent a healthy cigarette? I thought this was the future.

[Onward State @OnwardState]

YOUR #THON2023 FUNDRAISING TOTAL IS: $15,006,132.46

THAT'S A NEW RECORD!

[Luis Vercetti @97Vercetti]

*me telling my mom a secret*

my mom the next day:

[Kamala Harris @KamalaHarris]

It’s time.

[1984’s George Whorewell @EwdatsGROSS]

When I hear anyone say “dumb bitch”

[Washington State Dept. of Natural Resources @waDNR]

If he:

-Changes his entire look for you
-Travels 1,900 miles upstream to chase you
-Procreates and dies
-Replenishes an entire ecosystem with his carcass

He's not your valentine, he's a Chinook salmon

[1984’s George Whorewell @EwdatsGROSS]

RIHANNA IS PREGNANT DOING THE HALF TIME SHOW THERE IS NOTHING SHE CANT DO

[Isabel Steckel @IsabelSteckel]

in the grocery store trying to remember what tf i even eat